Your writing really uplifted me Tessa! WOW. So beautiful. Yes... you showed us the place we have to stay in regardless of what is happening around us. So crazy. I am finishing up a 40 page Covid report. I'll send it to you when it's online! Thank you again so much for your uplifting essay!
As he reflects on his experience of coping with terminal cancer, he writes:
“Over the last few days, I have been able to see my life as from a great altitude, as a sort of landscape, and with a deepening sense of the connection of all its parts. This does not mean I am finished with life.
“On the contrary, I feel intensely alive, and I want and hope in the time that remains to deepen my friendships, to say farewell to those I love, to write more, to travel if I have the strength, to achieve new levels of understanding and insight.
“This will involve audacity, clarity and plain speaking; trying to straighten my accounts with the world. But there will be time, too, for some fun (and even some silliness, as well).”
This is beautiful, Tessa, thank you. I was very lucky to have met 2 people in my early 20's who loved me and showed me how to love, be kind and thoughtful and to go for my dreams. And I was able to be, do and have more than I ever expected or hoped I could in a few years. I'm not afraid to die, I will be greeted by my friends and family and pets over there on the other side. Life is eternal, love is immortal, death is only a horizon (Carly Simon)... cheers.
Yes. I've had a couple of those moments where I realized I wasn't afraid of death, and they did come with an amazing sense of love and acceptance. But--they get forgotten so fast, especially lately. John Steppling just did a post about how much we (as modern, western humans) have forgotten, especially about the enormity of the earth and, as you point out, the mystery. In fact western culture, even preceding the covid locura, seems to be about a kind of forced amnesia. And that story about the initiation rites--wow. That brought tears to my eyes. That unconditional love is one of the first things we forget if we didn't have an upbringing where we were shown it, and taught the reality of it. (because I think maybe even those of us who didn't have loving parents still start from that feeling of enormity--in infancy, somehow, or maybe even in the womb. Well, I'm rambling. See what you did? Thank you Tessa, beautiful post.
Tessa Lena, Thank-you so much for this post! It really synchronistically coincided with some Deep Thoughts I was having on my walk earlier, basically about that idea of repair and renewal, in my own life. Which yes, tbh is not always easy to believe in, however today I'm a bit more optimistic than other days, and I like that you put it as "precious" opportunity. It also related b/c I have been so disturbed lately by everyone's engagement with that assclown Harari's idea of "useless eaters" that I am probably going to start my own darn newsletter, because I want to counter that framing, which I think is terribly pernicious. But until then, it was beyond great to get an infusion of you are enough, you are justified, you are "alive because it means something." Thank-you for the uplift!
So, within this tribal initiation ritual, the very same people who damaged the boy say to him:
"Now is the time to take your place as a man amongst us. But first you must fix yourself. Will yourself into feeling things you have never known or felt, do whatever it takes, else you shall not pass!" No help or method to accomplish this nebulous task is offered, yet negative consequences of failure are clearly stated.
Yeah, hey that oughta work-- screw up the kid and then leave it to him to figure out how to undo it. Tell him he must succeed or face rejection/denied adulthood. Nice. How does this do anything but add to his damage & compound his alienation and pain? "Hey, let's kick the kid while he is down. This will help him find the love he does not feel."
That pretty well outlines for us the quality of "love" that is out there. Us modern, westernized, sophisticated folk tend to be charmed by tribal customs as something earth-y & sacred because these appear to be based in some kind of ancient, tried-and-true social wisdom.
The sad truth is that tribal/indigenous peoples can be just as blind, cruel and clueless as us.
African "holy men" indoctrinated by Jesuit priests are not going to teach us anything useful. Like politicians, gurus & salesmen these guys are experts at pretty talk, saying "feel-good" crap people love to hear (and pay to hear) but inevitably leave us with nothing but chimeras.
But hey, I get it-- this approach may work for some. We are always free to frame it all however we like. (shrinks call it CBT). We can learn to tell ourselves "good" stories that are not true in order to hide the "bad" ones that are.
Trouble is, this always falls apart. Lies do not have natural lasting power. You have to keep telling them again and again & re-apply the makeup lest reality intrude and destroy belief. Truth has real and lasting power. I would much rather say "I am an emotionally damaged human being and shall be for the rest of my life" even if that is painful, than willfully declare "I am okay, I am healed, I refuse to live as a damaged being" in hopes of it having some kind of magical power.
Truth is reality. What is real is what needs the love. Why cover the mess inside yourself with flowers and sugar cookies that die, rot and poison? Love & accept the damage within, painful though that may be. See it, feel it, embrace it. Telling yourself lies, making up stories out of desperation-- what is that but just another way of kicking the kid while it is down?
We are damaged through our vulnerable, sensitive, trusting & loving child natures. Only through the dark, frightening door of our damage will we find & recover these permanently and for real.
Your writing really uplifted me Tessa! WOW. So beautiful. Yes... you showed us the place we have to stay in regardless of what is happening around us. So crazy. I am finishing up a 40 page Covid report. I'll send it to you when it's online! Thank you again so much for your uplifting essay!
This joyful reminder of the brevity and preciousness of life reminds me of “My Own Life” (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html) by one of my favorite (and most-missed) human beings in history, Oliver Sacks.
As he reflects on his experience of coping with terminal cancer, he writes:
“Over the last few days, I have been able to see my life as from a great altitude, as a sort of landscape, and with a deepening sense of the connection of all its parts. This does not mean I am finished with life.
“On the contrary, I feel intensely alive, and I want and hope in the time that remains to deepen my friendships, to say farewell to those I love, to write more, to travel if I have the strength, to achieve new levels of understanding and insight.
“This will involve audacity, clarity and plain speaking; trying to straighten my accounts with the world. But there will be time, too, for some fun (and even some silliness, as well).”
This is beautiful, Tessa, thank you. I was very lucky to have met 2 people in my early 20's who loved me and showed me how to love, be kind and thoughtful and to go for my dreams. And I was able to be, do and have more than I ever expected or hoped I could in a few years. I'm not afraid to die, I will be greeted by my friends and family and pets over there on the other side. Life is eternal, love is immortal, death is only a horizon (Carly Simon)... cheers.
Simple and beautiful 🙏
Very good, and close to what I'm feeling right now. Thank you
I want to believe this … I really do .
awwww, ditto, you are very welcome.
awwww, ditto, you are very welcome.
Yes. I've had a couple of those moments where I realized I wasn't afraid of death, and they did come with an amazing sense of love and acceptance. But--they get forgotten so fast, especially lately. John Steppling just did a post about how much we (as modern, western humans) have forgotten, especially about the enormity of the earth and, as you point out, the mystery. In fact western culture, even preceding the covid locura, seems to be about a kind of forced amnesia. And that story about the initiation rites--wow. That brought tears to my eyes. That unconditional love is one of the first things we forget if we didn't have an upbringing where we were shown it, and taught the reality of it. (because I think maybe even those of us who didn't have loving parents still start from that feeling of enormity--in infancy, somehow, or maybe even in the womb. Well, I'm rambling. See what you did? Thank you Tessa, beautiful post.
Tessa Lena, Thank-you so much for this post! It really synchronistically coincided with some Deep Thoughts I was having on my walk earlier, basically about that idea of repair and renewal, in my own life. Which yes, tbh is not always easy to believe in, however today I'm a bit more optimistic than other days, and I like that you put it as "precious" opportunity. It also related b/c I have been so disturbed lately by everyone's engagement with that assclown Harari's idea of "useless eaters" that I am probably going to start my own darn newsletter, because I want to counter that framing, which I think is terribly pernicious. But until then, it was beyond great to get an infusion of you are enough, you are justified, you are "alive because it means something." Thank-you for the uplift!
A beautiful post Tessa, thank you.
A wonderfilled post.
Watch "The Great Gig In The Sky" on YouTube
https://youtu.be/mPGv8L3a_sY
So, within this tribal initiation ritual, the very same people who damaged the boy say to him:
"Now is the time to take your place as a man amongst us. But first you must fix yourself. Will yourself into feeling things you have never known or felt, do whatever it takes, else you shall not pass!" No help or method to accomplish this nebulous task is offered, yet negative consequences of failure are clearly stated.
Yeah, hey that oughta work-- screw up the kid and then leave it to him to figure out how to undo it. Tell him he must succeed or face rejection/denied adulthood. Nice. How does this do anything but add to his damage & compound his alienation and pain? "Hey, let's kick the kid while he is down. This will help him find the love he does not feel."
That pretty well outlines for us the quality of "love" that is out there. Us modern, westernized, sophisticated folk tend to be charmed by tribal customs as something earth-y & sacred because these appear to be based in some kind of ancient, tried-and-true social wisdom.
The sad truth is that tribal/indigenous peoples can be just as blind, cruel and clueless as us.
African "holy men" indoctrinated by Jesuit priests are not going to teach us anything useful. Like politicians, gurus & salesmen these guys are experts at pretty talk, saying "feel-good" crap people love to hear (and pay to hear) but inevitably leave us with nothing but chimeras.
But hey, I get it-- this approach may work for some. We are always free to frame it all however we like. (shrinks call it CBT). We can learn to tell ourselves "good" stories that are not true in order to hide the "bad" ones that are.
Trouble is, this always falls apart. Lies do not have natural lasting power. You have to keep telling them again and again & re-apply the makeup lest reality intrude and destroy belief. Truth has real and lasting power. I would much rather say "I am an emotionally damaged human being and shall be for the rest of my life" even if that is painful, than willfully declare "I am okay, I am healed, I refuse to live as a damaged being" in hopes of it having some kind of magical power.
Truth is reality. What is real is what needs the love. Why cover the mess inside yourself with flowers and sugar cookies that die, rot and poison? Love & accept the damage within, painful though that may be. See it, feel it, embrace it. Telling yourself lies, making up stories out of desperation-- what is that but just another way of kicking the kid while it is down?
We are damaged through our vulnerable, sensitive, trusting & loving child natures. Only through the dark, frightening door of our damage will we find & recover these permanently and for real.