Michelle’s plight is getting old. Struggling to pay rent, struggling with a breakup, struggling to feel like she is not enough. But those things are significant. I would know. I am going through my own financial problems, my own relationship issues, and my own lack of self-esteem so, in some sadistic way, I want to punish her for it, if only so that I could feel a little less alone. In every problem one faces, there is at least some culpability. In every monster, there is some humanity.
So I will put a deal before her. I am actually about to send it to her in a magazine ad (because I do have a sense of humor when it comes to these things.) But we will get there soon. Let me set the scene first.
It is yet another Monday and Michelle greets her friend and coworker, Elise, who has always seemed to Michelle like the embodiment of Aphrodite herself, with a tall, willowy figure, long brown locks cascading around her shoulders, lusciously rose pink lips and gentle sea-green eyes.
Elise is always posting Instagram stories about her recent nights out around the city, striking up conversations with strangers who want so badly to talk to her. Michelle usually goes home, eats Low Cow ice cream out of the box, and reads 19th-century literature. On this particular day, Elise smiles brightly at Michelle, waving her over to the corner office. Michelle has an inkling of what is to come from one such Instagram post she saw last night over her cookies n’ cream.
“I have to tell you something,” Elise says.
“Yes?” Michelle responds.
“I just got engaged!” she says.
“That’s amazing!” Michelle says as Elise flashes a large diamond ring, coyly pretending to move hair out of her face. Envy for friends is a curious thing–it destroys you even more because you know, deep down, that you are somehow supposed to be happy for them, and your suffering is all the more glaring in the face of that knowledge.
Michelle has just had a breakup with Ethan the week prior. She was not in love. But he had been comfortable, had convinced her that he was the only one who could ever want her and take care of her through the depression. So Michelle believed this because Ethan had always been there. With the loss of Ethan came the loss of their shared apartment. And then came self-loathing and the feeling of total isolation.
Ethan had broken up with Michelle over a rather odd situation: he cheated on her and then accused her of being the cheater who drove him to cheat, cutting ties after a one-sided screaming match. Michelle has never cheated. Ethan, like me, is struggling with himself. I really do wish him well as he tries to figure out the boundaries of his consciousness. But he does not see himself as a monster; monsters rarely do. I will spoil the plot for you a little bit: Ethan is going to move forward in life entering a string of romances until he entwines a susceptible woman around his fingers who endures his abuse for several decades. I am not sure if people change, but Ethan certainly will not. Regardless, Michelle has blocked Ethan on every social media platform, so we will not be hearing from him again over the course of this story. Perhaps, in an alternate reality, she would unblock him and ask to get back together, but she is about to have a lot on her plate to contend with.
Elise’s life is not all it seems on the surface, either. But more on that later. Right now, Elise’s life is appealing. It is a dangerous proposition to make someone’s life into the embodiment of perfection because one would invariably be disappointed in the truth.
Elise touches Michelle’s shoulder gently. “I know you’re really struggling with the whole Ethan thing but I’m honestly so grateful that he is out of your life. I prayed so much for him to be out of your life. You’re free now, babe.”
“I know,” Michelle says. “I know.”
“Do you still have that list we wrote together? About the reasons you needed to leave?”
“I burned it,” she said. “I was scared he would find it.” Elise sighs and gets a notification from her phone.
“I’ll talk to you later. I have a meeting in ten,” Elise says, passing Michelle a magazine proof from her purse. “Look over this before noon today and let me know your feedback. I promise we will talk tomorrow, love. I promise.”
*
Later, at her desk, Michelle looks at the magazine. The issue promises to impart the all-important knowledge of 7 Things Women Actually Want. The encompassing category of women everywhere evidently want a career and not a sugar daddy, glam body acceptance and not a skinny physique, a real man and not a fuckboy, etc.
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