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Happy: Why more or less everything is absolutely fine
Everyone says they want to be happy. But that's much more easily said than done. What does being happy actually mean? And how do you even know when you feel it? Across the millennia, philosophers have thought long and hard about happiness, and come up with all sorts of different definitions and ideas for how we might live a happier life. Here, Derren explores the history of happiness from classical times until today, when the self-help industry has attempted to claim happiness as its own. His aim is to reclaim happiness for us all, and enable us to appreciate the really good things in life for what they are. Fascinating, entertaining and revelatory, this is a book for anyone who has ever wondered if there must be more to life...
448 pages, Paperback
First published September 22, 2016
About the author
Derren Brown
27 books750 followersDerren Brown is an English mentalist, illusionist, and author. He has produced several shows the stage and television and is the winner of two Laurence Olivier Awards for Best Entertainment. He has also written books for magicians as well as the general public.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 664 reviews
November 8, 2016
Not to mince words, I believe that Derren’s latest book will be truly life-changing for the right type of reader. It is that rarest of books: one that I felt had been written for me personally. There’s very little about magic or illusion in here. This is essentially a 400+ page discourse on the ancient Greek philosophy of Stoicism, and how one might usefully and practically apply it to their own life in order to help bring about that most elusive of goals: Happiness.
Stoicism wasn’t anything new to me. I had fallen in love with the Mediatations of Marcus Aurelius when I was a teenager, and it’s still a book that I pull regularly from the shelf to this day. Derren Brown’s success is in taking the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and the other Stoics, and making them both accessible and understandable to a 21st century audience. His method for doing this (the “trick,” if you will) entails the reader coming to understand that his or her entire life is a story; a narrative; one that we tell ourselves about ourselves, and one which ultimately shapes our self-perceptions and worldview.
Many of the principles which can be found at the core of the Stoic philosophy are utterly simple; the devil lies in the execution. Brown explains in great detail how supposedly negative events themselves rarely hurt us; it is usually our beliefs, feelings, or judgments concerning those events which do.
Much space is devoted to the fact that material goods, money, and other ephemeral pleasures rarely serve to bring true lasting happiness. Brown talks about the reasons why this is, citing a great deal of scientific research in addition to quoting other learned authors on the subject of happiness. He also discusses helpful, practical ways in which we can deal with anger, hurt, aggression, addiction, and the ever-present fear of death (the book ends on a tour de force note, with a section on how we can die well).
The book can also be seen as an assault on the multi-billion dollar industry of self-help and positive thinking. Derren reserves much of his ire for fads such as The Secret, and details extensively how “the power of positive thinking” can actually be harmful to us. Take the example of the U.S. airman captured by enemy forces during the Vietnam War. It is both saddening and enlightening to hear that many of those men who did not survive their brutal captivity were optimists by nature, and insisted on thinking positively: “We’ll be out by Christmas…OK, we’ll be out by the 4th of July…OK, we’ll be out by Thanksgiving…” When holiday after holiday rolled around and they found themselves to be still incarcerated, many of these POWs began to literally curl up and die…whereas the officer who fell back upon the principals of Seneca and the Stoics made it through eight years of hell, ultimately surviving to regain his freedom.
I am going to make a concerted attempt to incorporate some of these concepts into my own way of thinking and living, and I heartily commend Derren’s book to everybody. Everybody. We can all learn something from this well thought-out piece of philosophical writing, and I would go so far as to say that it is currently my favorite book of 2016.
Pick up a copy and read it carefully. I doubt that you’ll be disappointed.
Stoicism wasn’t anything new to me. I had fallen in love with the Mediatations of Marcus Aurelius when I was a teenager, and it’s still a book that I pull regularly from the shelf to this day. Derren Brown’s success is in taking the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and the other Stoics, and making them both accessible and understandable to a 21st century audience. His method for doing this (the “trick,” if you will) entails the reader coming to understand that his or her entire life is a story; a narrative; one that we tell ourselves about ourselves, and one which ultimately shapes our self-perceptions and worldview.
Many of the principles which can be found at the core of the Stoic philosophy are utterly simple; the devil lies in the execution. Brown explains in great detail how supposedly negative events themselves rarely hurt us; it is usually our beliefs, feelings, or judgments concerning those events which do.
Much space is devoted to the fact that material goods, money, and other ephemeral pleasures rarely serve to bring true lasting happiness. Brown talks about the reasons why this is, citing a great deal of scientific research in addition to quoting other learned authors on the subject of happiness. He also discusses helpful, practical ways in which we can deal with anger, hurt, aggression, addiction, and the ever-present fear of death (the book ends on a tour de force note, with a section on how we can die well).
The book can also be seen as an assault on the multi-billion dollar industry of self-help and positive thinking. Derren reserves much of his ire for fads such as The Secret, and details extensively how “the power of positive thinking” can actually be harmful to us. Take the example of the U.S. airman captured by enemy forces during the Vietnam War. It is both saddening and enlightening to hear that many of those men who did not survive their brutal captivity were optimists by nature, and insisted on thinking positively: “We’ll be out by Christmas…OK, we’ll be out by the 4th of July…OK, we’ll be out by Thanksgiving…” When holiday after holiday rolled around and they found themselves to be still incarcerated, many of these POWs began to literally curl up and die…whereas the officer who fell back upon the principals of Seneca and the Stoics made it through eight years of hell, ultimately surviving to regain his freedom.
I am going to make a concerted attempt to incorporate some of these concepts into my own way of thinking and living, and I heartily commend Derren’s book to everybody. Everybody. We can all learn something from this well thought-out piece of philosophical writing, and I would go so far as to say that it is currently my favorite book of 2016.
Pick up a copy and read it carefully. I doubt that you’ll be disappointed.
October 8, 2016
(No spoilers included here) It is so frustrating knowing that people will choose not to read this book because they don't like Derren Brown, or that many fans of Derren are picking this up, getting 100 pages in and giving up because it's 'too intellectual.'
A fantastic book of essays drawing on ancient philosophy, psychological methods, and general observation, exploring genuine ways to think differently. Not dressing itself up as a self-help book is entirely correct but misleading, because it really can make you approach happiness completely differently. A fan of Derren or not, fellow appreciators of critical thinking, psychology, philosophy, or y'know, happiness... READ THIS so it gets the appreciation it deserves OK PLEASE THANKS.
A fantastic book of essays drawing on ancient philosophy, psychological methods, and general observation, exploring genuine ways to think differently. Not dressing itself up as a self-help book is entirely correct but misleading, because it really can make you approach happiness completely differently. A fan of Derren or not, fellow appreciators of critical thinking, psychology, philosophy, or y'know, happiness... READ THIS so it gets the appreciation it deserves OK PLEASE THANKS.
November 24, 2016
DID NOT FINISH
If life is about the stories we build, then one of my most cohesive narratives is reading. It’s fair to say most everyone spends their entire life reading, so I suppose I am no exception, but even so, I like to count it as a hobby, rather than a necessity of life. And part of that story is that I never give up on a book, no matter how poorly-written, boring or just plain baffling.
I gave up on Happy.
It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Because knowing Derren Brown there’s probably a twist in the last third that would have made my gentle trudge through the first third worth it, and my world would have turned on its axis and suddenly I’d have got it. But I’m never going to get that far.
Happy and I have a somewhat difficult relationship.
I really want to like Happy, Happy seems to actively despise me and every life choice I’ve ever made. It’s complicated.
I feel I should mention that I feel this book is one for the psychologically sound, at worst the psychologically wobbly; and not the psychologically oh-dear-god-what-is-happening. There was one line that stood out to me which really made me think: oh, we might have some disagreements here:
“We might, worse, choose how to live based almost entirely on a reaction against the way we have been treated by people and thus hand over control of our life force to the transgressors of our past.”
This may seem like a throwaway line to get stuck on, but I think for a lot of people, myself obviously included, this could give pause for thought.
Living with PTSD is like living in the past and the present concurrently. The two are blended almost seamlessly into a ball of anxiety, doubt and every protective measure you have learnt over the years to make sure what happened never happens again. Your dreams turn easily into nightmares. You drift off and end up thinking about something that happened over ten years ago. You look at the photographs of your old school mates and wonder how they got away scot free and you didn’t. You are constantly living the story of your past, as your brain tries to construct and reconstruct it into something you can digest. Your every action is dictated by a hedgehog bristled protective instinct to stay safe, and whilst Brown may suggest that the stories of our past are largely irrelevant to our current wellbeing, it is damn near impossible to objectively take that on board when you live your past every day, from the moment you wake up to the moment you eventually fall asleep (and into your nightmares).
It is true that we construct narratives out of our lives, that we have wants, hopes, goals and dreams that may be entirely unrealistic. We seek happiness outside of ourselves, in friendship, acceptance and relationships, platonic or otherwise (oddly the platonic was weirdly disparaged, which I found difficult to comprehend as my only meaningful relationships have been platonic, after all, it is very difficult to date when you cannot leave the house without functionally sedating yourself).
In deciding a few years ago that theory of mind was in fact a very real thing, and that other people had exceedingly, marvellously, miraculously complex internal lives all of their very own, I came to the conclusion that if I cannot be happy, then at least other people can be slightly less miserable. To that end, I treated every smile I could get from my nephew as golden, every giggle from my niece as a reward, every ALL CAPS response from my best friend as a job well done. I wrote at once both selfishly and selflessly, a desire to be seen and remembered, for my work to somehow one day end up on charity shop shelves, sandwiched between dog-earred copes of Fifty Shades of Grey or some other nonsense. The selfless was in spreading stories of love, hope and okay, admittedly, sometimes cannibalism. Using Amazon’s promotional tools to give my writing away for free, flinging my stories into unexpecting people’s faces and hoping that maybe the words I had strung together somehow resonated and remained long past the final page. The mantra I found that best fit was simply: create beautiful things. Less simply: leave the world in a better place than you found it in. In two words, ultimately though, it was: be kind.
In accepting a narrative, things were bad, things will in all likelihood continue to be bad, but maybe I can make things slightly less bad for other people, I found more purpose than in striving for a happiness of my own. Maybe it is selfish, to want with such fierceness, for my niblings to live a life where the bad cannot touch them, cannot in any way impede their lives. For my mother to find a sense of peace, though I have yet to figure this one out, she’s tricky. For my cat to live a life where his rotund and fluffy self can make happy sleeping noises all day every day and never have to worry about, well, anything.
Glancing at the book now, I keep re-reading the subtitle, ‘Why more or less everything is absolutely fine’. Maybe I just never reached the point of the book where the glass in my mouth is revealed to be sugar glass and largely harmless, but life within four walls, the same cast of characters day in, day out, and a boredom that cannot be quantified, does not feel like everything is ‘more or less absolutely fine’. Everything feels more or less decidedly less than fine. No amount of complicated philosophy (as someone who took Philosophy at AS Level and failed it in a rather spectacular fashion, the sheer amount of, to me, dense philosophical discussion within the chapters I read made me feel intensely stupid, like maybe I was too stupid to be deserving of happiness) could simplify matters. It was in parts bewildering, indecipherable and finally, genuinely upsetting. As someone whose anagram skills were not revived by the Rumyodin example (I stared and stared at it, trying to find the word, and in the end only discovered it was in fact two words: ‘your mind’, upon watching the documentary, Fear and Faith, mentioned in the book) I was starting the stairs on the wrong foot and off balance from there on really.
The problem is, I tried, I really did. The paragraphs of philosophy wandered into my brain, turned over a few objects, ran a finger across a dusty surface, and decided this was not a place they wanted to stay, and in fact, they were frankly insulted at the idea. In other words: it did not stick. Grand ideas are all well and good, but when phrased and collected and presented as an opportunity for, if not happiness, than a lack of desire to seek happiness, and then being too dense for my immensely simple brain to comprehend, well, didn’t I feel a tad bit stupid. I do understand, that objectively I am stupid, that my IQ is slightly above average, but that fundamentally I am not the sharpest cookie in the cookie jar. I feel this is why I get on so well with my cat, who, when not being threatened with a swift rehoming, is looked upon fondly and told ‘you’re lucky you’re pretty’. A better natured cat you will not find, but there is little going on upstairs. Lacking his ginger locks and distinguished features, I find myself without even that comfort.
So: happiness. Is the truth out there? Is it just slightly too impenetrable for my traumatised brain to decipher? Is this book written, unavoidably from a place of privilege – be it wealth, mental stability or education? Or am I Dumbo, falling and creating an elephant sized crater in the pavement because I don’t quite trust the magic feather, or my own capabilities? I know enough to know the magic is not in any magical trinket or external controlling force. I also know enough to know that the magic has not been inside myself all along. No amount of prodding my internal self is going to stamp down my ultimate unrealistic fantasy of being able to go to Tesco without popping a Diazepam and disassociating in the bread aisle.
I have filled my life, in lieu of genuine companions, with the fictional, and have indulged in their stories and the action = consequence narrative. Whilst I agree that the universe does not give a shit about me, I cling still to the brutal hope that someday this will all reveal itself as worth it. That one day I will stand in the bread aisle and not be overwhelmed by the utterly arbitrary amount of very similar breads.
So, my narrative is not as simple as: I was born two weeks early and as a result crave punctuality and hate waiting around (though this is true). Nor is it as twee as: I set up my position in my mother’s uterus as breech, and with a stubbornness I display to this day, I refused to budge, causing rather more trouble than I’m worth to be frank.
The past shapes us, we are not separate from it, it informs our every decision, conscious or unconscious. When the past is present in your every thought, tangled utterly within your thought processes, it becomes impossible to write off as just something that happened.
“We might, worse, choose how to live based almost entirely on a reaction against the way we have been treated by people and thus hand over control of our life force to the transgressors of our past.”
My transgressors may have taught me to fear, to seek control and to doubt authority in all its many varied forms, but they also taught me this: spite. Not as an active position, but as a passive decision to hope for better in spite of what they may have wished for me.
Turning twenty eight in January, I realise I have rather missed the boat when it comes to every traditional life hurdle. Facebook serves as a rather caustic reminder of this. And yet, at the same time, there is a heady relief in not fitting into the Stepford model of marriage, kids, mortgage, rinse and repeat until death. I may not be happy, and everything is not more or less absolutely fine, and on my death bed I will undoubtedly be itemising the regrets of a life half lived, between shouts for more morphine. But in still being alive, I have managed to cause an awful lot of trouble for those who hurt me, and hopefully, through words I wrote using this rather substandard brain of mine, have made people laugh and cry and consider however briefly, a narrative other than their own. My characters may be paper thin avatars of myself, living out better lives, and maybe that is my flaw: I am ultimately tied to stories and beginnings, middles and endings. And so, to dismiss narrative as a way of comprehending life seems completely alien to me, and also sort of sad. I don’t want to wake up every day like I’ve received a bang to the head and everything is shiny and new. I carry the weight of my experiences and live despite them, and to spite them.
As I write these words, I am aware that Brown would be finding hiccups in every argument, shaking his head at the very basic misunderstanding of his words. That’s okay, and I don’t blame him. Ultimately though, Disappointing a National Treasure makes for quite a good chapter title in the book of my life, don’t you think?
If life is about the stories we build, then one of my most cohesive narratives is reading. It’s fair to say most everyone spends their entire life reading, so I suppose I am no exception, but even so, I like to count it as a hobby, rather than a necessity of life. And part of that story is that I never give up on a book, no matter how poorly-written, boring or just plain baffling.
I gave up on Happy.
It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Because knowing Derren Brown there’s probably a twist in the last third that would have made my gentle trudge through the first third worth it, and my world would have turned on its axis and suddenly I’d have got it. But I’m never going to get that far.
Happy and I have a somewhat difficult relationship.
I really want to like Happy, Happy seems to actively despise me and every life choice I’ve ever made. It’s complicated.
I feel I should mention that I feel this book is one for the psychologically sound, at worst the psychologically wobbly; and not the psychologically oh-dear-god-what-is-happening. There was one line that stood out to me which really made me think: oh, we might have some disagreements here:
“We might, worse, choose how to live based almost entirely on a reaction against the way we have been treated by people and thus hand over control of our life force to the transgressors of our past.”
This may seem like a throwaway line to get stuck on, but I think for a lot of people, myself obviously included, this could give pause for thought.
Living with PTSD is like living in the past and the present concurrently. The two are blended almost seamlessly into a ball of anxiety, doubt and every protective measure you have learnt over the years to make sure what happened never happens again. Your dreams turn easily into nightmares. You drift off and end up thinking about something that happened over ten years ago. You look at the photographs of your old school mates and wonder how they got away scot free and you didn’t. You are constantly living the story of your past, as your brain tries to construct and reconstruct it into something you can digest. Your every action is dictated by a hedgehog bristled protective instinct to stay safe, and whilst Brown may suggest that the stories of our past are largely irrelevant to our current wellbeing, it is damn near impossible to objectively take that on board when you live your past every day, from the moment you wake up to the moment you eventually fall asleep (and into your nightmares).
It is true that we construct narratives out of our lives, that we have wants, hopes, goals and dreams that may be entirely unrealistic. We seek happiness outside of ourselves, in friendship, acceptance and relationships, platonic or otherwise (oddly the platonic was weirdly disparaged, which I found difficult to comprehend as my only meaningful relationships have been platonic, after all, it is very difficult to date when you cannot leave the house without functionally sedating yourself).
In deciding a few years ago that theory of mind was in fact a very real thing, and that other people had exceedingly, marvellously, miraculously complex internal lives all of their very own, I came to the conclusion that if I cannot be happy, then at least other people can be slightly less miserable. To that end, I treated every smile I could get from my nephew as golden, every giggle from my niece as a reward, every ALL CAPS response from my best friend as a job well done. I wrote at once both selfishly and selflessly, a desire to be seen and remembered, for my work to somehow one day end up on charity shop shelves, sandwiched between dog-earred copes of Fifty Shades of Grey or some other nonsense. The selfless was in spreading stories of love, hope and okay, admittedly, sometimes cannibalism. Using Amazon’s promotional tools to give my writing away for free, flinging my stories into unexpecting people’s faces and hoping that maybe the words I had strung together somehow resonated and remained long past the final page. The mantra I found that best fit was simply: create beautiful things. Less simply: leave the world in a better place than you found it in. In two words, ultimately though, it was: be kind.
In accepting a narrative, things were bad, things will in all likelihood continue to be bad, but maybe I can make things slightly less bad for other people, I found more purpose than in striving for a happiness of my own. Maybe it is selfish, to want with such fierceness, for my niblings to live a life where the bad cannot touch them, cannot in any way impede their lives. For my mother to find a sense of peace, though I have yet to figure this one out, she’s tricky. For my cat to live a life where his rotund and fluffy self can make happy sleeping noises all day every day and never have to worry about, well, anything.
Glancing at the book now, I keep re-reading the subtitle, ‘Why more or less everything is absolutely fine’. Maybe I just never reached the point of the book where the glass in my mouth is revealed to be sugar glass and largely harmless, but life within four walls, the same cast of characters day in, day out, and a boredom that cannot be quantified, does not feel like everything is ‘more or less absolutely fine’. Everything feels more or less decidedly less than fine. No amount of complicated philosophy (as someone who took Philosophy at AS Level and failed it in a rather spectacular fashion, the sheer amount of, to me, dense philosophical discussion within the chapters I read made me feel intensely stupid, like maybe I was too stupid to be deserving of happiness) could simplify matters. It was in parts bewildering, indecipherable and finally, genuinely upsetting. As someone whose anagram skills were not revived by the Rumyodin example (I stared and stared at it, trying to find the word, and in the end only discovered it was in fact two words: ‘your mind’, upon watching the documentary, Fear and Faith, mentioned in the book) I was starting the stairs on the wrong foot and off balance from there on really.
The problem is, I tried, I really did. The paragraphs of philosophy wandered into my brain, turned over a few objects, ran a finger across a dusty surface, and decided this was not a place they wanted to stay, and in fact, they were frankly insulted at the idea. In other words: it did not stick. Grand ideas are all well and good, but when phrased and collected and presented as an opportunity for, if not happiness, than a lack of desire to seek happiness, and then being too dense for my immensely simple brain to comprehend, well, didn’t I feel a tad bit stupid. I do understand, that objectively I am stupid, that my IQ is slightly above average, but that fundamentally I am not the sharpest cookie in the cookie jar. I feel this is why I get on so well with my cat, who, when not being threatened with a swift rehoming, is looked upon fondly and told ‘you’re lucky you’re pretty’. A better natured cat you will not find, but there is little going on upstairs. Lacking his ginger locks and distinguished features, I find myself without even that comfort.
So: happiness. Is the truth out there? Is it just slightly too impenetrable for my traumatised brain to decipher? Is this book written, unavoidably from a place of privilege – be it wealth, mental stability or education? Or am I Dumbo, falling and creating an elephant sized crater in the pavement because I don’t quite trust the magic feather, or my own capabilities? I know enough to know the magic is not in any magical trinket or external controlling force. I also know enough to know that the magic has not been inside myself all along. No amount of prodding my internal self is going to stamp down my ultimate unrealistic fantasy of being able to go to Tesco without popping a Diazepam and disassociating in the bread aisle.
I have filled my life, in lieu of genuine companions, with the fictional, and have indulged in their stories and the action = consequence narrative. Whilst I agree that the universe does not give a shit about me, I cling still to the brutal hope that someday this will all reveal itself as worth it. That one day I will stand in the bread aisle and not be overwhelmed by the utterly arbitrary amount of very similar breads.
So, my narrative is not as simple as: I was born two weeks early and as a result crave punctuality and hate waiting around (though this is true). Nor is it as twee as: I set up my position in my mother’s uterus as breech, and with a stubbornness I display to this day, I refused to budge, causing rather more trouble than I’m worth to be frank.
The past shapes us, we are not separate from it, it informs our every decision, conscious or unconscious. When the past is present in your every thought, tangled utterly within your thought processes, it becomes impossible to write off as just something that happened.
“We might, worse, choose how to live based almost entirely on a reaction against the way we have been treated by people and thus hand over control of our life force to the transgressors of our past.”
My transgressors may have taught me to fear, to seek control and to doubt authority in all its many varied forms, but they also taught me this: spite. Not as an active position, but as a passive decision to hope for better in spite of what they may have wished for me.
Turning twenty eight in January, I realise I have rather missed the boat when it comes to every traditional life hurdle. Facebook serves as a rather caustic reminder of this. And yet, at the same time, there is a heady relief in not fitting into the Stepford model of marriage, kids, mortgage, rinse and repeat until death. I may not be happy, and everything is not more or less absolutely fine, and on my death bed I will undoubtedly be itemising the regrets of a life half lived, between shouts for more morphine. But in still being alive, I have managed to cause an awful lot of trouble for those who hurt me, and hopefully, through words I wrote using this rather substandard brain of mine, have made people laugh and cry and consider however briefly, a narrative other than their own. My characters may be paper thin avatars of myself, living out better lives, and maybe that is my flaw: I am ultimately tied to stories and beginnings, middles and endings. And so, to dismiss narrative as a way of comprehending life seems completely alien to me, and also sort of sad. I don’t want to wake up every day like I’ve received a bang to the head and everything is shiny and new. I carry the weight of my experiences and live despite them, and to spite them.
As I write these words, I am aware that Brown would be finding hiccups in every argument, shaking his head at the very basic misunderstanding of his words. That’s okay, and I don’t blame him. Ultimately though, Disappointing a National Treasure makes for quite a good chapter title in the book of my life, don’t you think?
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May 22, 2018I am not into self help books but that's alright because nor is Derren Brown. I picked this up on the grounds that you won't get a better guide to knowing how human minds tick / can be manipulated, and found it actually strikingly useful, especially in the middle section focusing on Stoicism. There are a lot of very good quotes, a lot of really easy memorable nuggets of useful thought; I highlighted a huge amount.
I would say that despite the best efforts of both the Stoics and Brown it comes across as a pretty priviliged philosophy in that "external events can only affect you if you let them" does seem to rather assume the external events aren't that terrible, painful or ongoing. That said, the philosophy was founded by an abused slave and used by a number of concentration camps survivor so evidently it does work in terrible circumstances: possibly you need more moral fibre than I have. Certainly this is a very good book for stepping back and thinking about how one interacts with a relatively privileged Western life and especially with social media and city existence. And no self help fluffiness or jargon.
I would say that despite the best efforts of both the Stoics and Brown it comes across as a pretty priviliged philosophy in that "external events can only affect you if you let them" does seem to rather assume the external events aren't that terrible, painful or ongoing. That said, the philosophy was founded by an abused slave and used by a number of concentration camps survivor so evidently it does work in terrible circumstances: possibly you need more moral fibre than I have. Certainly this is a very good book for stepping back and thinking about how one interacts with a relatively privileged Western life and especially with social media and city existence. And no self help fluffiness or jargon.
March 28, 2021
I highly recommend this book if you currently find yourself addicted to self-help or new age spiritituality, and neither seems to get you anywhere as this is such a thought-provoking book. I think that exposing ourselves to the opposite viewpoint can be very enlightening in general.
Firstly, I love the fact that the author is never implying that he has the absolute truth because these are people I simply do not want to read nor listen to in the future - and a lot of these people can be found in the self-help/new age industry (guru, coach, medium etc). (Sidenote: no one is able to tell you how to live your life.)
Secondly, this book reminds us all that life is very grey - and that black and white thinking is overrated. It never felt like any of the solutions suggested was the best option and Brown is highlighting any of the flaws he can find in each method/theory that is discussed.
The author is simply discussing his viewpoints on how to live a happier life, the meaning of life (to some extent) and also - quite surprisingly - death, which is extensively discussed in the last chapters. I had not realised how our perception of death could have such an impact on how we chose to live our life. The last chapters were really eye-opening for me.
This is a great introduction to stoicism and Derren Brown does an AMAZING job at translating those principles into our modern lives with sounding, practical advice. It is very refreshing and down to earth when I compare it to the myriad of self-help content I have consumed in the last 6 or 7 years. This book has probably been more helpful than all of them combined.
Firstly, I love the fact that the author is never implying that he has the absolute truth because these are people I simply do not want to read nor listen to in the future - and a lot of these people can be found in the self-help/new age industry (guru, coach, medium etc). (Sidenote: no one is able to tell you how to live your life.)
Secondly, this book reminds us all that life is very grey - and that black and white thinking is overrated. It never felt like any of the solutions suggested was the best option and Brown is highlighting any of the flaws he can find in each method/theory that is discussed.
The author is simply discussing his viewpoints on how to live a happier life, the meaning of life (to some extent) and also - quite surprisingly - death, which is extensively discussed in the last chapters. I had not realised how our perception of death could have such an impact on how we chose to live our life. The last chapters were really eye-opening for me.
This is a great introduction to stoicism and Derren Brown does an AMAZING job at translating those principles into our modern lives with sounding, practical advice. It is very refreshing and down to earth when I compare it to the myriad of self-help content I have consumed in the last 6 or 7 years. This book has probably been more helpful than all of them combined.
December 22, 2016
My love for Derren Brown’s work as a philosopher magician made me eager to pick up his book on happiness, which draws much from the Stoics view of life. I’ve recently found that Stoicism resonates a lot with me, and I was eager to see how Derren Brown uses their wisdom, his own experience, and other schools of thought to talk about finding happiness in the every day.
Even though I feel like most of the ideologies in this book were familiar to me, Derren’s way of delving into each thought methodically and thoroughly made understanding the ideas so much easier and made it even clearer how to apply patience, forbearance, and equanimity to all kinds of situations. Especially the ones that give people the most anxiety. This book has ideas and mental exercises that are not to just read and store away, but to practice immediately with, I think, some very reliable and positive results.
Although this book talks about a kind of philosophy, gleaned from many schools of thought and can be very serious, I found Derren’s dry wit and subtle jokes to be a highlight of the book. It made the subject matter more accessible and entertaining to read and it was a treat to come across an unexpectedly funny thought when I was so intent on what he was saying.
This is a wonderful read if you are interested in adopting a realistic, more long-lasting kind of happiness - that doesn’t depend on the things you can’t control, but only on your mental attitude and on how to best experience the world around you.
Even though I feel like most of the ideologies in this book were familiar to me, Derren’s way of delving into each thought methodically and thoroughly made understanding the ideas so much easier and made it even clearer how to apply patience, forbearance, and equanimity to all kinds of situations. Especially the ones that give people the most anxiety. This book has ideas and mental exercises that are not to just read and store away, but to practice immediately with, I think, some very reliable and positive results.
Although this book talks about a kind of philosophy, gleaned from many schools of thought and can be very serious, I found Derren’s dry wit and subtle jokes to be a highlight of the book. It made the subject matter more accessible and entertaining to read and it was a treat to come across an unexpectedly funny thought when I was so intent on what he was saying.
This is a wonderful read if you are interested in adopting a realistic, more long-lasting kind of happiness - that doesn’t depend on the things you can’t control, but only on your mental attitude and on how to best experience the world around you.
February 12, 2017
Yep, there is no secret formula, no only recipe for all best things.
Q:
Other stories, like the one we sense the girl at the stage door is learning from her mother, become deeply ingrained and in many ways define who we are. We tell ourselves tales about the future: ‘Oh, I’m an awkward misfit who looks terrible and always will.’ Or, ‘I’ll never have a fulfilling relationship.’ Other stories are about the past: ‘I’m like this because my parents treated me in a particular way.’ Or, ‘I’m an unlucky person – always have been.’ Yet our entire past, which we feel (in many ways correctly) is responsible for how we behave today, is itself just a story we are telling ourselves in the here and now. We join the dots to tell one tale when we consider how, for example, we came to this point in our career, another when we consider how we developed our psychological foibles or strengths. It is hard to think about your past without tidying it up into a kind of story: one in which you are cast as the hero or victim. Invariably we ignore the regular dice-rolls of chance or random luck; successful high-flyers are typically prone to ignoring the interplay of blind fortune when they credit their career trajectories to their canny business sense or brute self-belief. We tell the story we want to tell, and we live out those stories every day.
Some of these stories are consciously constructed, but others operate without our knowledge, dictated by scripts handed to us by others when we were young. We can carry around the psychological legacy of our parents for our whole lives, whether bad or good. Where they have unfulfilled wishes and regrets, these are commonly passed to us as a template for storytelling. Many of these templates make it hard for us to feel happy: ‘You must achieve impressive things to be happy/loved.’ Or, ‘You must sacrifice your own happiness to make others feel better: that is the measure of your worth.’ Similar insidious directives can also come from the Church, our peers, classmates and teachers, the cumulative effect of the news media we encounter daily or any number of ideologies in which we find ourselves enmeshed. With these overarching stories or templates in mind, we repeatedly arrange our lives in such a way as to let events and others reinforce the same familiar message, like a child’s fable. Again and again, many people play out the same story: that they surely cannot be easy to love; that love and admiration are dependent on career success; that others will always disappoint us. ‘The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents,’ wrote the legendary psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Whatever we have taken from them, the founding story of our lives, imposed on us by a mother and father who in turn inherited a faulty script from their own parents, isn’t even ours.
(c)
Q:
Other stories, like the one we sense the girl at the stage door is learning from her mother, become deeply ingrained and in many ways define who we are. We tell ourselves tales about the future: ‘Oh, I’m an awkward misfit who looks terrible and always will.’ Or, ‘I’ll never have a fulfilling relationship.’ Other stories are about the past: ‘I’m like this because my parents treated me in a particular way.’ Or, ‘I’m an unlucky person – always have been.’ Yet our entire past, which we feel (in many ways correctly) is responsible for how we behave today, is itself just a story we are telling ourselves in the here and now. We join the dots to tell one tale when we consider how, for example, we came to this point in our career, another when we consider how we developed our psychological foibles or strengths. It is hard to think about your past without tidying it up into a kind of story: one in which you are cast as the hero or victim. Invariably we ignore the regular dice-rolls of chance or random luck; successful high-flyers are typically prone to ignoring the interplay of blind fortune when they credit their career trajectories to their canny business sense or brute self-belief. We tell the story we want to tell, and we live out those stories every day.
Some of these stories are consciously constructed, but others operate without our knowledge, dictated by scripts handed to us by others when we were young. We can carry around the psychological legacy of our parents for our whole lives, whether bad or good. Where they have unfulfilled wishes and regrets, these are commonly passed to us as a template for storytelling. Many of these templates make it hard for us to feel happy: ‘You must achieve impressive things to be happy/loved.’ Or, ‘You must sacrifice your own happiness to make others feel better: that is the measure of your worth.’ Similar insidious directives can also come from the Church, our peers, classmates and teachers, the cumulative effect of the news media we encounter daily or any number of ideologies in which we find ourselves enmeshed. With these overarching stories or templates in mind, we repeatedly arrange our lives in such a way as to let events and others reinforce the same familiar message, like a child’s fable. Again and again, many people play out the same story: that they surely cannot be easy to love; that love and admiration are dependent on career success; that others will always disappoint us. ‘The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents,’ wrote the legendary psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Whatever we have taken from them, the founding story of our lives, imposed on us by a mother and father who in turn inherited a faulty script from their own parents, isn’t even ours.
(c)
November 17, 2016
I've noticed some reviews beginning with the phrase "No spoilers." It's a self-help book, folks. I can't help but envision a SNL-style skit where a young man goes to church for the first time, hears the priest say "Jesus died for your sins" -- and then storms out shouting, "Thanks for RUINING it for me!"
January 22, 2018
I couldn't finish this, it's just not my thing....
Thought this might stop me from being such a grumpy arse but it seems I shall remain one for the time being.
May 9, 2018
I find this book really hard to rate, might be more like 2.5 for me. It's not what I usually read so I'm probably not the target audience and I'd never heard of Derren Brown before. The reason I picked it up was because I wanted a pick-me-up after reading "Cat's Eye" (Atwood), typed "happy" into the search bar and voila... "Happy"
Now the first part of this book is kind of a quick introduction to western philosophical concepts of happiness, this is an important part if the reader is unfamiliar with these ideas. Personally I found it a bit dry, it reminded me of studying these thinkers at Uni and I wasn't sure what this book was really about. Though I must say it's not really Brown's fault that I recently re-read Sophie's World and happened to be really tired of middle aged men extolling the virtues of ancient philosophy to me without any real depth to it. I probably shouldn't have gone into this book without reading what it was about basically.
Then comes the heart of the matter when Brown - with a focus on stoicism (and Martha Nussbaum) - gets to the "self-help" part I guess, and I realized that that was what this book was about. He makes some good points but there is so much repetition! His editors really should've told him to stop belaboring the same point over and over.
Come the chapter when he starts digging into celebrity I started to check out.
I don't think this was a bad book, I just didn't see the point of it when you could just read Seneca or Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" (not for nothing this book inspired me to re-read it) or even Lucretius. They're infinitely readable authors and don't come across as nearly so dry as this book did to me.
What I took from this book:
*Don't dismiss a cliché just because it's a cliché, look for the truth in its meaning
*"It's fine", genuinely. Practice your mindset.
*Manage your anger
*Focus less on "you" and more on the "other"
*Memento mori
Basically good points, but it was a heck of a lot of nonsense to slog through to get there. At the end of the day, this book just wasn't for me. As for a self-help book though I think it's fairly useful as it's not about any quick-fixes (which I'm assuming many are about but I could be wrong! Sorry about that.)
Now the first part of this book is kind of a quick introduction to western philosophical concepts of happiness, this is an important part if the reader is unfamiliar with these ideas. Personally I found it a bit dry, it reminded me of studying these thinkers at Uni and I wasn't sure what this book was really about. Though I must say it's not really Brown's fault that I recently re-read Sophie's World and happened to be really tired of middle aged men extolling the virtues of ancient philosophy to me without any real depth to it. I probably shouldn't have gone into this book without reading what it was about basically.
Then comes the heart of the matter when Brown - with a focus on stoicism (and Martha Nussbaum) - gets to the "self-help" part I guess, and I realized that that was what this book was about. He makes some good points but there is so much repetition! His editors really should've told him to stop belaboring the same point over and over.
Come the chapter when he starts digging into celebrity I started to check out.
I don't think this was a bad book, I just didn't see the point of it when you could just read Seneca or Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" (not for nothing this book inspired me to re-read it) or even Lucretius. They're infinitely readable authors and don't come across as nearly so dry as this book did to me.
What I took from this book:
*Don't dismiss a cliché just because it's a cliché, look for the truth in its meaning
*"It's fine", genuinely. Practice your mindset.
*Manage your anger
*Focus less on "you" and more on the "other"
*Memento mori
Basically good points, but it was a heck of a lot of nonsense to slog through to get there. At the end of the day, this book just wasn't for me. As for a self-help book though I think it's fairly useful as it's not about any quick-fixes (which I'm assuming many are about but I could be wrong! Sorry about that.)
September 7, 2019
I have dog-eared, underlined, and made notes on every page of this book. It’s amazing and has genuinely changed my mindset.
It’s also so refreshing to connect so with an author who understands what it means to be an introvert,
who answers every question I have, and who sums up abstract concepts in concise sentences and breaks down happiness into achievable steps.
Highly, highly recommend.
It’s also so refreshing to connect so with an author who understands what it means to be an introvert,
who answers every question I have, and who sums up abstract concepts in concise sentences and breaks down happiness into achievable steps.
Highly, highly recommend.
September 30, 2017
The only thing to say about this book is that it is life-changing. If you're scared, worries, depressed, or are simply unsatisfied with where your life is in the here and now in whatever capacity, you should at the very least give this book a go.
Not only is Derren's writing style an absolute joy to read in the same vein of entertainment and intelligence that his shows continuously bring, but this book is highly educational and thought-provoking. I've always been a fan of the Stoics and have tried to emulate their philosophies as best I can to my own life but this book really provides a robust plan to do so in a healthy, realistic format.
I also found the chapters on death especially intriguing. In the Western world our own mortality is not something that often crosses our minds but Derren allows us to approach this subject quite tenderly but also bravely.
I honestly would recommend this book to everyone. Since finishing it I feel calmer, less afraid, and more in tune and appreciative of myself and the world around me. Everything is, after all, really quite fine.
Not only is Derren's writing style an absolute joy to read in the same vein of entertainment and intelligence that his shows continuously bring, but this book is highly educational and thought-provoking. I've always been a fan of the Stoics and have tried to emulate their philosophies as best I can to my own life but this book really provides a robust plan to do so in a healthy, realistic format.
I also found the chapters on death especially intriguing. In the Western world our own mortality is not something that often crosses our minds but Derren allows us to approach this subject quite tenderly but also bravely.
I honestly would recommend this book to everyone. Since finishing it I feel calmer, less afraid, and more in tune and appreciative of myself and the world around me. Everything is, after all, really quite fine.
February 5, 2017
This book was a joy from start to finish. A real road trip through the pinnacle of philosophy. Deep and wide. Interspersed with personal logs, helpful analogies and rooted in Stoic theory but arcing high and wide like a who's who of considered living. From Seneca to Kafka. From Stephen Gross to Marcus Aurelius. And all the gods in heaven.
Better still, Derren puts a strong case for not getting hung up on conflicting logic but rather enjoying a pick n mix approach in our bid to arrive at an understanding on life that suits us best. He's lovingly walking us through the ivory towers with a layman's guide to navigation. Yet it's not patronising.
He dares to take us into relativity and dwells on death yet never loses the light touch and cites everyone except Elizabeth Kubler Ross. He takes an application of mindfulness into the field of design, bringing to mind Objectified.
An uplifting, provocative and deeply worthwhile argument from a bright and grounded author. Humbling and resonating.
Shift your perspective. Ignite your gratitude and relearn how to cherish your life by reading this great book.
Better still, Derren puts a strong case for not getting hung up on conflicting logic but rather enjoying a pick n mix approach in our bid to arrive at an understanding on life that suits us best. He's lovingly walking us through the ivory towers with a layman's guide to navigation. Yet it's not patronising.
He dares to take us into relativity and dwells on death yet never loses the light touch and cites everyone except Elizabeth Kubler Ross. He takes an application of mindfulness into the field of design, bringing to mind Objectified.
An uplifting, provocative and deeply worthwhile argument from a bright and grounded author. Humbling and resonating.
Shift your perspective. Ignite your gratitude and relearn how to cherish your life by reading this great book.
December 13, 2017
I like Derren Brown a lot - I've seen a few of his stage shows and watched most of his TV programmes and he seems a genuinely lovely guy - but I did struggle with this book.
There's some good advice, suggestions and viewpoints in this book but, in my opinion, there's just far too much discussion and, on occasion, guff inbetween which makes it hard to get from one interesting nugget to another. Cut out a lot of this and the book would be much more readable and about half the length!
Perhaps my biggest problem with the book is Derren's choice of words. I'd like to think I'm an intelligent guy and Derren, we get it, you're intelligent too but some of the words you use, I'm sorry, they're just unnecessarily obscure - I had to reach for the dictionary half the time.
I'm not for a minute suggesting the book be dumbed down but it could definitely benefit from some words being simplified so as to make it more accessible. As it stands, it just made it a chore to read when you came upon some of these words. In the end I only got two-thirds of the way through this and just gave up. It took me over two months just to get that far with it as I was frequently switching to better books.
There's some good advice, suggestions and viewpoints in this book but, in my opinion, there's just far too much discussion and, on occasion, guff inbetween which makes it hard to get from one interesting nugget to another. Cut out a lot of this and the book would be much more readable and about half the length!
Perhaps my biggest problem with the book is Derren's choice of words. I'd like to think I'm an intelligent guy and Derren, we get it, you're intelligent too but some of the words you use, I'm sorry, they're just unnecessarily obscure - I had to reach for the dictionary half the time.
I'm not for a minute suggesting the book be dumbed down but it could definitely benefit from some words being simplified so as to make it more accessible. As it stands, it just made it a chore to read when you came upon some of these words. In the end I only got two-thirds of the way through this and just gave up. It took me over two months just to get that far with it as I was frequently switching to better books.
July 27, 2017
This was quite hard going but interesting. Derren Brown looks primarily at Stoicism and how it can be applied to every day, modern life. However, the lessons on not focussing on material goods or career trajectories and so on were of no help to me at all as I'm very confident that I don't do that anyway. It was hard to come away with much that I could apply to my own life - it's all well and good saying that it's not external events that make you feel sad or happy but your interpretation of those events, but in reality it's very hard to detach from situations. I suppose that's the point of the book but it didn't really tell me anything I didn't know (in terms of a broad piece of advice).
Some chapters were more interesting than others and I'm sure the book was wonderfully researched, but not being in an entirely Happy place myself at the moment, the book certainly was not cheering. I don't regret reading it but I'm not sure if I'd recommend it to someone who was genuinely depressed as it might not make them Happy.
Overall though, I think I'm missing the point of the book as it's not selling itself as a self help book (not that I've ever read any of those anyway) but I'm not really sure WHAT the point was. My apologies for a somewhat vague and confusing review.
(Please note, I love Derren Brown and have read two of his other books and really liked them so it must just be the subject matter in this one - maybe I'm not in the right mood!)
Some chapters were more interesting than others and I'm sure the book was wonderfully researched, but not being in an entirely Happy place myself at the moment, the book certainly was not cheering. I don't regret reading it but I'm not sure if I'd recommend it to someone who was genuinely depressed as it might not make them Happy.
Overall though, I think I'm missing the point of the book as it's not selling itself as a self help book (not that I've ever read any of those anyway) but I'm not really sure WHAT the point was. My apologies for a somewhat vague and confusing review.
(Please note, I love Derren Brown and have read two of his other books and really liked them so it must just be the subject matter in this one - maybe I'm not in the right mood!)
August 25, 2023
A delightful and thought-provoking find! A deep and kind book, way above my original expectations.
I would score it 4.5 on account of it being a little over-written. It is surprisingly chunky and some chapters are way too wordy. But these are beautiful words for beautiful ideas so I would not judge this fault too harshly.
The book will appeal to fans of Oliver Burkeman, Ryan Holiday or Alain de Botton.
It explores deeply lessons from Stoicism, Epicureanism and moral philosophy in general. It zooms in particularly deep on issues of fame, money and death. The section on death is particularly memorable.
A really great review is available here: https://sive.rs/book/Happy
Strong recommendation. Goes on my "essential nonfiction" shelf.
Related books:
- How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question
- The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
- Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
- Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy
- The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
- A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
- The Practicing Stoic
- The Consolations of Philosophy
I would score it 4.5 on account of it being a little over-written. It is surprisingly chunky and some chapters are way too wordy. But these are beautiful words for beautiful ideas so I would not judge this fault too harshly.
The book will appeal to fans of Oliver Burkeman, Ryan Holiday or Alain de Botton.
It explores deeply lessons from Stoicism, Epicureanism and moral philosophy in general. It zooms in particularly deep on issues of fame, money and death. The section on death is particularly memorable.
A really great review is available here: https://sive.rs/book/Happy
Strong recommendation. Goes on my "essential nonfiction" shelf.
Related books:
- How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question
- The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
- Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
- Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy
- The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
- A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
- The Practicing Stoic
- The Consolations of Philosophy
February 5, 2020
*** UPDATE 05/02/20 - I’ve just finished this book for the second time. I’ve changed my mind. This is not one of the best and most important books I’ve ever read. It is the best and most important book. And I expect it is a book I will read at least once every year for the rest of my life. Particularly wonderful on the audio version read by Derren himself which gives it more colour and emotional vibrancy. It is a wonderful tour of what it is to have purpose, to have meaning, and to be human and appreciate it and shares the insight, learning and research of many of history’s greatest minds. Perhaps it resonates so strongly with me given my own learning, growth and experiences over the last two years. And I’m very thankful for it ***
Frankly I think this is one of the best and most important books I’ve ever read. And I expect to read it, and particularly some chapters of it, time and time again. A deep whilst witty, entertaining and thought provoking read. I can speak highly enough of it.
It’s not a self help book (DB is quite critical of their “flatulent bubbles of self help advice”). But. If you read it you can take many things from it to help yourself. The first few chapters may be hard going for some, but having had the wonderful experience of three months of CBT where I learnt a huge about about the theory and practice it was simple fascinating, and I am sure could be a great introduction for all.
It’s a wonderful tour of the history of CBT and psychological health from the age of the Stoics and Epicureans right through the most modern psychological and neurological research. But told in Derren Brown’s engaging and sometimes humorous voice (even better so if you mix the kindle book with the accompanying audiobook read by DB also) it’s a genuine pleasure to listen to or read.
Along the way he pores scorn (rightly) on a number of industries and practices whether it be taking apart the evils of the faith healing industry or parasitic and frankly nasty works such as Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret”....
The chapters however which I found most powerful, and ones I’ve not seen or heard such helpful, insightful or thoughtful considerations about are the ones on death. Surprisingly I found these immensely positive and life affirming, as indeed I did the entire book.
So many thought and quotes from this book will stick with me. Whether it is the fascinating thought experiments. Or the quotes... Be they from the likes of great philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, David Foster Wallace, or Mike Skinner from The Streets (!) DB has a knack for making things relevant, understandable, and more importantly provoking me (the reader) to consider and apply them in my own life.
* Mike Skinner from “Never Went To Church” (on fact that he has nothing to remind him on his late father and that his memory of him is slipping away - “I guess then you did lead me something to remind me of you, every time I interrupt someone like you used to, when I do something like you, you’ll be on my mind or through, because I forgot you left me behind to remind me of you”
* “He who is not satisfied with a little is satisfied with nothing” Epicurus
* David Foster Wallace “you will become far less concerned as to what people think of you when you reialise how rarely they do”
* Derren Brown “I’d rather cut off my balls with bacon scissors rather than host a dinner party”
* Lipsius (paraphrased) “flies don’t stay long on nice things but the fuckers sit on shit for ages, so the murmuring mind passes quickly over the nice but dwells on the shit and augments it”
* Epictetus:
“Only try to change the things you can control - under our control are our thoughts and actions, not under our control is everything else”
“Remind yourself that what you love is mortal, that what you love is not your own it is granted to you for the present while, and not irrevocably and not forever, like a fig or bunch of grapes in the appointed season, and if you long for it in the winter you are a fool. Instead bring to mind the contrary impression. What harm is there to tell your child whilst you are kissing them tomorrow you will die, likewise to your friend, tomorrow either you or I will go away tomorrow and never see each other again”
Frankly I think this is one of the best and most important books I’ve ever read. And I expect to read it, and particularly some chapters of it, time and time again. A deep whilst witty, entertaining and thought provoking read. I can speak highly enough of it.
It’s not a self help book (DB is quite critical of their “flatulent bubbles of self help advice”). But. If you read it you can take many things from it to help yourself. The first few chapters may be hard going for some, but having had the wonderful experience of three months of CBT where I learnt a huge about about the theory and practice it was simple fascinating, and I am sure could be a great introduction for all.
It’s a wonderful tour of the history of CBT and psychological health from the age of the Stoics and Epicureans right through the most modern psychological and neurological research. But told in Derren Brown’s engaging and sometimes humorous voice (even better so if you mix the kindle book with the accompanying audiobook read by DB also) it’s a genuine pleasure to listen to or read.
Along the way he pores scorn (rightly) on a number of industries and practices whether it be taking apart the evils of the faith healing industry or parasitic and frankly nasty works such as Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret”....
The chapters however which I found most powerful, and ones I’ve not seen or heard such helpful, insightful or thoughtful considerations about are the ones on death. Surprisingly I found these immensely positive and life affirming, as indeed I did the entire book.
So many thought and quotes from this book will stick with me. Whether it is the fascinating thought experiments. Or the quotes... Be they from the likes of great philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, David Foster Wallace, or Mike Skinner from The Streets (!) DB has a knack for making things relevant, understandable, and more importantly provoking me (the reader) to consider and apply them in my own life.
* Mike Skinner from “Never Went To Church” (on fact that he has nothing to remind him on his late father and that his memory of him is slipping away - “I guess then you did lead me something to remind me of you, every time I interrupt someone like you used to, when I do something like you, you’ll be on my mind or through, because I forgot you left me behind to remind me of you”
* “He who is not satisfied with a little is satisfied with nothing” Epicurus
* David Foster Wallace “you will become far less concerned as to what people think of you when you reialise how rarely they do”
* Derren Brown “I’d rather cut off my balls with bacon scissors rather than host a dinner party”
* Lipsius (paraphrased) “flies don’t stay long on nice things but the fuckers sit on shit for ages, so the murmuring mind passes quickly over the nice but dwells on the shit and augments it”
* Epictetus:
“Only try to change the things you can control - under our control are our thoughts and actions, not under our control is everything else”
“Remind yourself that what you love is mortal, that what you love is not your own it is granted to you for the present while, and not irrevocably and not forever, like a fig or bunch of grapes in the appointed season, and if you long for it in the winter you are a fool. Instead bring to mind the contrary impression. What harm is there to tell your child whilst you are kissing them tomorrow you will die, likewise to your friend, tomorrow either you or I will go away tomorrow and never see each other again”
April 23, 2018
An interesting read coming from an author who believes that the modern day "positive" attitude which is being forced down people's throats is more, rather than less, bullshit. I do agree, and have been happily hating on the self-help industry for years. Coming from the perspective of someone who has had her fair share of diabetes-inducing positive thinking thrown to her face as if it's the Lord's blessing, it was refreshing to read a book where such ideas were rejected. When I say rejected, don't imagine they were scoffed at or laughed at - but rather dissected and laid out with a full explanation of why they would hurt us, rather than help us. Brown writes with wit and ease, which gives the read another layer of enjoyment. All in all, for those who feel like vomiting when they hear "it'll get better", "just think happy thoughts" and "all you need is to believe in yourself", this is the book for you.
May 11, 2019
Some interesting sections but far too long and repetitive for me.
August 16, 2017
Sweeping in its scope, unexpected in its provenance. The last few chapters on death are a bit drier, but the book ends well. Hopefully like our lives. But that's up to the story you write for yourself.
___
You don’t make decisions based on your experiences.
You make them based on the stories of your experiences.
You should be more concerned with this remembering self.
Pampering the experiencing self is not enough; you want memories too.
Your bestial experiencing self has an attention span of about three seconds.
Its reports are quickly superseded by those of its story-loving, identity-forming superior.
We, unlike characters in a show, can act out of character. We can give ourselves permission to change our story.
If failed businessmen could sell their biographies as well as successful ones, we would all know that blind faith is more commonly a recipe for disaster than triumph.
We tend to grossly misunderstand what will make us happy. From a starting point of ignorance and misinformation, we commonly choose the wrong goals. Locked within our neat stories of who we are and how we would like that story to continue, we aim for a point on the horizon that advances the narrative in the direction we see fit. Very commonly, these goals are driven by a vision of financial success that we aim to realise within the next few years or by a certain age. At all levels, the drive to achieve the brightest kind of success is seen as the most natural and robust path to take in life.
Yet when we reach our intended destination we find we have invested too much and too specifically, forgetting that nothing in life happens independently of other things. The goal has proven too specific, upon reaching your destination you realise with companionless regret that this solitary and lonely place was too remote and too much has been left behind.
And we find we are still dissatisfied, because when one arrives we are still ourselves, warts and all. And once we achieve our goals, we are forced to disidentify with them. (think the aimlessness of retirement)
By removing or ignoring sources honest feedback, we create a neat means of fueling the downwards spiral of self-deception.
"What is the meaning of all this display of money? Did we gather merely to learn what greed was?" - Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
The things we desire really do little other than fuel further desires and teach us what greed is. In the accumulation of material things, no deep satisfaction is to be found, other than fleeting pleasure and the temporary delight of impressing others. Both are short-lived, and ultimately controlled by other people or things.
The American sense that with effort one could earn their way to a life of luxuries enjoyed by their employers created a sense of entitlement and envy not present in the European model. The desire of equality always becomes more insatiable in proportion as equality is more complete.
Unnecessary desires are 'without end' because that disparity between what we have and what we feel is worth attaining will always push us forwards to desiring more and therefore towards further dissatisfaction, and they are difficult to satisfy because they either come at great cost or because of their never-ending and self-perpetuating nature.
This is why people who live in simple circumstances often surprise us with how happy they are.
The reality of travel tends to be very different from its prospect, and by comparison, disappointing to one degree or another. Socrates explained why: when you travel (or for that matter, attend a party), you always take yourself with you.
The greatest burden a child must bear, we remember from Jung, is the unlived lives of its parents.
It is rarely effective to form a defiant self-image that blindly rejects all external influences. In opposing influences, we are still relying on them to define our behaviour.
It may give the illusion of authorship, but "fuck you" is too much about the 'you', its centre of gravity is external. It is also, in the long term, a very unhappy stance.
The notion of elevating ourselves above individual attraction to a beautiful person may strike us as oddly detached. Yet we can recognise what it is we like about somebody (some aspect of beauty, goodness, wit, or intelligence) and admire it as a quality quite separate from that particular person, rather than confusing it with him or her.
An ability to see beyond the individual may be of great therapeutic value if we find ourselves infatuated with someone.
Original Sin is a profoundly toxic picture: I cannot imagine a more damaging story for a culture to create for itself than the idea that every one of its members is inherently evil. Of course it serves a purpose: as a piece of mythology it encourages us to strive for good and find unison with goodness. But more straightforwardly, it is one of those extraordinarily life-denying ideas that can only be dreamed up by religion.
What tends to happen when a culture suddenly turns in a new direction is that the old variables get replaced with new ones, while the deep structure of the old regime remains.
You might scoff at religious people who believe that sacred icons are mystic avatars. But you are still prone to the same superstitious thinking.
To appreciate this, try taking a knife and repeatedly stabbing a photograph of a loved one, and preferably one who has recently passed away.
You’ll soon appreciate the power of the graven image.
You have a “meaning-shaped hole” because we are story-forming creatures, and stories should not meander without a point.
The differences between people in a relationship are part of what makes it valuable. See the qualities that separate them from you as precisely the features to celebrate.
An important new idea that emerged from Marx was that work was now seen as an activity that was supposed to endow us with happiness and a sense of humanity.
But the moment we expect that we should do for a living what we enjoy, we unfairly cast those who do not have that advantage as failures. We are used to asking "what do you do?", rarely stopping to consider what the person's relationship to their job might be.
Freud's legacy was to provide a confidential place for a person to talk, frankly and probably for the first time, about sex and anguish, to be understood and find healing.
The gift of therapy is not just to cure the deranged but to point all of us to where we have lost authorship of our stories, bring those reasons to consciousness and thus show us the gentle path to healing.
Noam Chomsky: "The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum."
Neediness is the destroyer of love. You can never get enough from people towards whom you feel needy.
If you were sure that you could get by happily enough without this relationship, it’s easier to be less demanding and enjoy what the other person chooses to give.
We cannot honestly state that events in the outside world cause the emotions we feel. We each react in our own way, because we tell ourselves stories.
To move from perceiving the behaviour to feeling the emotion, we have to do a little work ourselves, assembling pieces of history into a pattern we like.
Unconscious parent-created fears and needs will resurface when you later enter a significant relationship, as you project them on to your new partner.
Although you profess to be in love, and to have lost yourself in this other person, you are barely (at this early point) doing them the justice of considering them an actual human being.
They begin as a projection of your needs; you hope that he or she will be the perfect match, the magical “other” who will satisfy us.
It is only when you stop projecting your needs – which first means becoming conscious of them as needs – that you can release the other person from the tyranny of your expectations.
We only feel envy towards people who are roughly equal to us in terms of status. But we can also acknowledge that his success is fine. The key to why this works is that when we let things go that we can't control, nothing bad happens. The situation can't get worse, and generally we get to feel a whole lot better.
The phrase “undoing attachment” might be misleading:
Surely you wouldn’t want to care less about your loved ones?
Are you being seriously asked to distance yourself?
No.
Express your feelings to those you love now while you can, to never take them for granted. Everything ends.
It is permissible to prefer certain things (e.g. wealth), as long as one didn't become attached to them.
We all operate from the vantage point of our own deep fears, and we stand guard against any threat to them. This wariness we mistake for insight; we thus decide from a place of insecurity what truth is and find evidence for it everywhere.
An effective acting technique for communicating any state (drunkenness, anger, sadness) is to 'play against' it, to concentrate very hard on displaying its opposite.
Anger has two components: perceiving that one has been slighted, and desiring vengeance for that slight.
Do you want to avoid losing your temper? Resist the impulse to be curious.
The man who tries to find out what has been said against him, who seeks to unearth spiteful gossip, even when engaged in privately, is destroying his own peace of mind.
Periodically asking trusted friends to examine our habits and character to see if any good features have been added or bad ones subtracted can be of enormous benefit.
Expressing our unhappiness in a sensitive way is one of the most productive things we can do in a relationship.
To talk in terms of what you 'deserve' is meaningless and usually leads to personal indignation, as what you feel you deserve will most likely outstrip whatever you currently have or can easily obtain.
It serves us to remember that total adherence to one school of thought or another is likely to deny the important and beneficial expression of part of our nature. To merely label oneself a "Stoic" is to renounce one's own voice. A considered life should not, like the pious one, be a matter of subjugation to any label, under which all the 'consideration' has been previously done for you.
Celebrity serves as a helpful distraction from the material inequalities of real life. Thus the famous are often used to promote products; the desire we attach to them is harnessed and attached to objects that keep the wheels of industry spinning at higher and higher speeds.
The very word 'pursuit' reveals the key to its appeal: it involves a chase and therefore a risk of failure. We may not reach what we are pursuing, it might not work out for us, we may not be any good, we might be wasting our money or our time. This risk, however slight, provides us with an important impetus and feeling of intensity. Such feelings are important in life, they keep us engaged and tell us how we should value something.
Our goals and aspirations form only half the equation. The other force at work is fortune, life, fate: everything that happens outside our control. To try and control those things through indiscriminate self-belief or sheer aggression is likely to lead to failure and pain. And nowhere is this more evident than when a person is dying.
The needs of a person that has a future are different from one that does not.
The huge deal you have turned your secret into is not a reflection of how big a deal it is to other people. Usually as long as it doesn't affect them directly they are unlikely to care very much, but just treat it as some information about you.
The present moment can be a more productive place to focus our attention. The here and now rarely contains problems; it is released from the tyranny of our imposing narratives.
___
You don’t make decisions based on your experiences.
You make them based on the stories of your experiences.
You should be more concerned with this remembering self.
Pampering the experiencing self is not enough; you want memories too.
Your bestial experiencing self has an attention span of about three seconds.
Its reports are quickly superseded by those of its story-loving, identity-forming superior.
We, unlike characters in a show, can act out of character. We can give ourselves permission to change our story.
If failed businessmen could sell their biographies as well as successful ones, we would all know that blind faith is more commonly a recipe for disaster than triumph.
We tend to grossly misunderstand what will make us happy. From a starting point of ignorance and misinformation, we commonly choose the wrong goals. Locked within our neat stories of who we are and how we would like that story to continue, we aim for a point on the horizon that advances the narrative in the direction we see fit. Very commonly, these goals are driven by a vision of financial success that we aim to realise within the next few years or by a certain age. At all levels, the drive to achieve the brightest kind of success is seen as the most natural and robust path to take in life.
Yet when we reach our intended destination we find we have invested too much and too specifically, forgetting that nothing in life happens independently of other things. The goal has proven too specific, upon reaching your destination you realise with companionless regret that this solitary and lonely place was too remote and too much has been left behind.
And we find we are still dissatisfied, because when one arrives we are still ourselves, warts and all. And once we achieve our goals, we are forced to disidentify with them. (think the aimlessness of retirement)
By removing or ignoring sources honest feedback, we create a neat means of fueling the downwards spiral of self-deception.
"What is the meaning of all this display of money? Did we gather merely to learn what greed was?" - Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
The things we desire really do little other than fuel further desires and teach us what greed is. In the accumulation of material things, no deep satisfaction is to be found, other than fleeting pleasure and the temporary delight of impressing others. Both are short-lived, and ultimately controlled by other people or things.
The American sense that with effort one could earn their way to a life of luxuries enjoyed by their employers created a sense of entitlement and envy not present in the European model. The desire of equality always becomes more insatiable in proportion as equality is more complete.
Unnecessary desires are 'without end' because that disparity between what we have and what we feel is worth attaining will always push us forwards to desiring more and therefore towards further dissatisfaction, and they are difficult to satisfy because they either come at great cost or because of their never-ending and self-perpetuating nature.
This is why people who live in simple circumstances often surprise us with how happy they are.
The reality of travel tends to be very different from its prospect, and by comparison, disappointing to one degree or another. Socrates explained why: when you travel (or for that matter, attend a party), you always take yourself with you.
The greatest burden a child must bear, we remember from Jung, is the unlived lives of its parents.
It is rarely effective to form a defiant self-image that blindly rejects all external influences. In opposing influences, we are still relying on them to define our behaviour.
It may give the illusion of authorship, but "fuck you" is too much about the 'you', its centre of gravity is external. It is also, in the long term, a very unhappy stance.
The notion of elevating ourselves above individual attraction to a beautiful person may strike us as oddly detached. Yet we can recognise what it is we like about somebody (some aspect of beauty, goodness, wit, or intelligence) and admire it as a quality quite separate from that particular person, rather than confusing it with him or her.
An ability to see beyond the individual may be of great therapeutic value if we find ourselves infatuated with someone.
Original Sin is a profoundly toxic picture: I cannot imagine a more damaging story for a culture to create for itself than the idea that every one of its members is inherently evil. Of course it serves a purpose: as a piece of mythology it encourages us to strive for good and find unison with goodness. But more straightforwardly, it is one of those extraordinarily life-denying ideas that can only be dreamed up by religion.
What tends to happen when a culture suddenly turns in a new direction is that the old variables get replaced with new ones, while the deep structure of the old regime remains.
You might scoff at religious people who believe that sacred icons are mystic avatars. But you are still prone to the same superstitious thinking.
To appreciate this, try taking a knife and repeatedly stabbing a photograph of a loved one, and preferably one who has recently passed away.
You’ll soon appreciate the power of the graven image.
You have a “meaning-shaped hole” because we are story-forming creatures, and stories should not meander without a point.
The differences between people in a relationship are part of what makes it valuable. See the qualities that separate them from you as precisely the features to celebrate.
An important new idea that emerged from Marx was that work was now seen as an activity that was supposed to endow us with happiness and a sense of humanity.
But the moment we expect that we should do for a living what we enjoy, we unfairly cast those who do not have that advantage as failures. We are used to asking "what do you do?", rarely stopping to consider what the person's relationship to their job might be.
Freud's legacy was to provide a confidential place for a person to talk, frankly and probably for the first time, about sex and anguish, to be understood and find healing.
The gift of therapy is not just to cure the deranged but to point all of us to where we have lost authorship of our stories, bring those reasons to consciousness and thus show us the gentle path to healing.
Noam Chomsky: "The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum."
Neediness is the destroyer of love. You can never get enough from people towards whom you feel needy.
If you were sure that you could get by happily enough without this relationship, it’s easier to be less demanding and enjoy what the other person chooses to give.
We cannot honestly state that events in the outside world cause the emotions we feel. We each react in our own way, because we tell ourselves stories.
To move from perceiving the behaviour to feeling the emotion, we have to do a little work ourselves, assembling pieces of history into a pattern we like.
Unconscious parent-created fears and needs will resurface when you later enter a significant relationship, as you project them on to your new partner.
Although you profess to be in love, and to have lost yourself in this other person, you are barely (at this early point) doing them the justice of considering them an actual human being.
They begin as a projection of your needs; you hope that he or she will be the perfect match, the magical “other” who will satisfy us.
It is only when you stop projecting your needs – which first means becoming conscious of them as needs – that you can release the other person from the tyranny of your expectations.
We only feel envy towards people who are roughly equal to us in terms of status. But we can also acknowledge that his success is fine. The key to why this works is that when we let things go that we can't control, nothing bad happens. The situation can't get worse, and generally we get to feel a whole lot better.
The phrase “undoing attachment” might be misleading:
Surely you wouldn’t want to care less about your loved ones?
Are you being seriously asked to distance yourself?
No.
Express your feelings to those you love now while you can, to never take them for granted. Everything ends.
It is permissible to prefer certain things (e.g. wealth), as long as one didn't become attached to them.
We all operate from the vantage point of our own deep fears, and we stand guard against any threat to them. This wariness we mistake for insight; we thus decide from a place of insecurity what truth is and find evidence for it everywhere.
An effective acting technique for communicating any state (drunkenness, anger, sadness) is to 'play against' it, to concentrate very hard on displaying its opposite.
Anger has two components: perceiving that one has been slighted, and desiring vengeance for that slight.
Do you want to avoid losing your temper? Resist the impulse to be curious.
The man who tries to find out what has been said against him, who seeks to unearth spiteful gossip, even when engaged in privately, is destroying his own peace of mind.
Periodically asking trusted friends to examine our habits and character to see if any good features have been added or bad ones subtracted can be of enormous benefit.
Expressing our unhappiness in a sensitive way is one of the most productive things we can do in a relationship.
To talk in terms of what you 'deserve' is meaningless and usually leads to personal indignation, as what you feel you deserve will most likely outstrip whatever you currently have or can easily obtain.
It serves us to remember that total adherence to one school of thought or another is likely to deny the important and beneficial expression of part of our nature. To merely label oneself a "Stoic" is to renounce one's own voice. A considered life should not, like the pious one, be a matter of subjugation to any label, under which all the 'consideration' has been previously done for you.
Celebrity serves as a helpful distraction from the material inequalities of real life. Thus the famous are often used to promote products; the desire we attach to them is harnessed and attached to objects that keep the wheels of industry spinning at higher and higher speeds.
The very word 'pursuit' reveals the key to its appeal: it involves a chase and therefore a risk of failure. We may not reach what we are pursuing, it might not work out for us, we may not be any good, we might be wasting our money or our time. This risk, however slight, provides us with an important impetus and feeling of intensity. Such feelings are important in life, they keep us engaged and tell us how we should value something.
Our goals and aspirations form only half the equation. The other force at work is fortune, life, fate: everything that happens outside our control. To try and control those things through indiscriminate self-belief or sheer aggression is likely to lead to failure and pain. And nowhere is this more evident than when a person is dying.
The needs of a person that has a future are different from one that does not.
The huge deal you have turned your secret into is not a reflection of how big a deal it is to other people. Usually as long as it doesn't affect them directly they are unlikely to care very much, but just treat it as some information about you.
The present moment can be a more productive place to focus our attention. The here and now rarely contains problems; it is released from the tyranny of our imposing narratives.
September 6, 2018
I like Derren Brown, bought this book on a whim, and was unsure what to expect.
Be reassured this is no celebrity memoir, indeed I was delighted to discover that Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine is actually a very intelligent and perceptive book which draws upon Derren’s personal history, psychology, and philosophy to create a helpful guide to happiness, or perhaps more accurately how to lead a good and considered life which will provide moments of happiness and satisfaction.
Derren draws upon the work of the ancient Greeks, from Socrates to the Stoics, also Nietzsche and Freud, and many contemporary thinkers. Off the back of this book I have bought other works by Marcus Aurelius, Aristotle, and Ellen Langer.
Derren quickly debunks much self help literature (most spectacularly The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) and instead explores considered, practical ideas, rooted in ancient teachings, that have timeless application. He is particularly enthusiastic about Stoicism, the school of philosophy founded in the third century BC by Zeno of Citium.
If you have the time and patience to read an engaging book that gets to the core of what it means to be human, and to consider ancient philosophical ideas presented in an accessible and entertaining manner then this book is for you. Despite the title there are no glib answers however, there is much to ponder and inspire.
Enjoyable and provocative. I loved it.
Be reassured this is no celebrity memoir, indeed I was delighted to discover that Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine is actually a very intelligent and perceptive book which draws upon Derren’s personal history, psychology, and philosophy to create a helpful guide to happiness, or perhaps more accurately how to lead a good and considered life which will provide moments of happiness and satisfaction.
Derren draws upon the work of the ancient Greeks, from Socrates to the Stoics, also Nietzsche and Freud, and many contemporary thinkers. Off the back of this book I have bought other works by Marcus Aurelius, Aristotle, and Ellen Langer.
Derren quickly debunks much self help literature (most spectacularly The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) and instead explores considered, practical ideas, rooted in ancient teachings, that have timeless application. He is particularly enthusiastic about Stoicism, the school of philosophy founded in the third century BC by Zeno of Citium.
If you have the time and patience to read an engaging book that gets to the core of what it means to be human, and to consider ancient philosophical ideas presented in an accessible and entertaining manner then this book is for you. Despite the title there are no glib answers however, there is much to ponder and inspire.
Enjoyable and provocative. I loved it.
May 28, 2017
As a performer and a magician, Derren is unparalleled. Sadly, when it comes to writing actual books, his skills don't shine through in quite the same way. Happy, for all its careful research, is indisputably pop philosophy/ pop psychology. Thus, it should be written in a tone that communicates personality, that makes the author shine through the research. Pop academia is very much reliant on the best communication of the material. Derren does not manage to communicate the material well, with his iteration of famous philosophers often coming across as drier than the source material. In addition, the material is unnecessarily repetitive, laboring over points that have already been made. There are a few great moments of humor where he realizes that he really should talk about his personal experiences, these are where Happy picks up a little. And the cover is very pretty. But while a good addition to the bookshelf of any Derren Brown fan, for people just interested in the subject, there are much better options on the market.
June 8, 2019
Although I am a huge fan of Derren, this book was slightly underwhelming. I really liked the underlying philosophical concepts referred to throughout the book, but if stoicism isn’t something you’re interesting in then this book is a definite no. It definitely isn’t a self-help book nor did I find a lot of the chapters could be applied to everyday life, particularly the chapter on fame. However, I did read the whole book and personally thought that the chapters on death were interesting and perhaps the only thing I came away and reflected on.
Derren Brown is a great intellect, maybe too much so for a graduate like myself.
Derren Brown is a great intellect, maybe too much so for a graduate like myself.
October 3, 2019
Happy takes a look at the ancient world’s most zen philosophers – the Stoics – and asks what classical thinkers like Epicurus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius can teach us about happiness.
خوشبختی به سبک خویشتن داری رواقیون
Stoicism teaches:
1) It is not external events that make you feel bad or good but instead your interpretation of the event.
2) There are only two things you can control: your own thoughts, and your own actions.
Our anxiety common form is a hyper-active search for deeper meaning in things.
خوشبختی به سبک خویشتن داری رواقیون
Stoicism teaches:
1) It is not external events that make you feel bad or good but instead your interpretation of the event.
2) There are only two things you can control: your own thoughts, and your own actions.
Our anxiety common form is a hyper-active search for deeper meaning in things.
August 18, 2018
Overall Verdict:
This book is a humorous, thought-provoking, well-researched book that has given me key tips to reframing my experience and achieving a more serene and tranquil state of mind. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone with an interest in living and dying well.
Overview of Book:
In this book, illusionist and magician Derren Brown draws on ancient philosophy and modern psychology as an antidote to the abundance of self-help books, which all too often draw on pseudoscience and mere “positive thinking”, which is shown to be wholly ineffective in a universe governed by cold, unfeeling fate. Brown splits his book into three sections: Beginnings, Solutions and Happy Endings, which first deals with the problem with modern self-help advice, then moves to an outline of the philosophy of happiness and achieving eudaimonia, and then finally how we can use an awareness and realistic confrontation of our own mortality as a means of achieving peace and serenity through the impenetrable inner citadel of the self.
Key Points of Information:
The key point Brown seeks to make in this book is that a chief source of our own unhappiness is the ‘stories’ we tell ourselves: perhaps we tell ourselves that we will always be shy or a failure, when in reality these are just learned narratives from an arbitrary number of events from our childhood and formative years.
I: Beginnings:
Brown draws on his experience of exposing fraudulent faith healers to show why merely willing positive things in your life will almost certainly prove counter-productive; in telling people that they merely need to pray or wish for positive things, when these things do not occur, the blame is lumped solely on the subject for not wishing hard enough, or for having a lack of faith. Moreover, the modern fetishization of goal-setting is shown to be a fundamental means of disappointment, since investing too much in goals will leave them with nothing if these goals are cruelly squashed by arbitrary factors which the subject had no control in. In response to this, Brown offers the philosophy of Schopenhauer, who argues that in life we must navigate the diagonal line between ‘events’ and ‘our chief aims’.
Another source of our disappointment is wanting things. In an intriguing thought experiment, William B. Irvine argues that if all the humans on the earth disappeared leaving just ourselves, and we were free to indulge in all the luxuries of life, we would quickly realise that these do not suit our fundamental needs. The expensive yet impractical jumper would give way to the more long-lasting and resilient fleece. This thought experiment helps to persuade us of the role social perception (especially from those in similar economic circumstances to us) plays in our desiring things – something that is only amplified by social media. We desire, to borrow from the three-fold Epicurean division, non-natural and non-necessary things, which Brown refers to as ‘distractions’, such as travel.
II: Solutions:
After a slightly depressing opening, Brown now starts offering some concrete solutions to our unhappiness, rooted in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, but not exclusively tied to it. ‘The Considered Life’, according to Brown, gives full authority back to our own self, allowing us to determine our own stories without them being distorted by others. Brown charts a history of happiness, from Socrates to Christianity, the Enlightenment to Romanticism. He argues that today’s philosophy of happiness gives us a sense of entitlement towards happiness, where ‘unhappiness is seen as a sign of failure, not a healthy symptom of our natural condition’.
Brown roots his philosophy in Stoic thinkers, an ancient Greek philosophy open to both sexes and all strata of society, most likely as a response to Aristotle’s selective following in his Lyceum. The first of two Stoic ‘building blocks’ he identifies are: reframing our judgements of external events by taking responsibility for our emotions, because of how we judge events. As Brown clarifies, this is not a shift of blame to oneself, but an acknowledgement that events do not affect our core self, unless we assent to them doing so. The second Stoic value is identified as: don’t try to change things you cannot control. We can control our thoughts and actions, but we cannot control the vast majority of things in the world, including perceptions of us by others. To clarify this point further, Brown draws on Irvine again, who offers the metaphor of tennis: we should not strive to win at all costs, since we have no control over who our opponent is going to be or a wealth of other factors. Our aim should instead by to ‘play this game as well as I can’. The notion of ‘indifferents’ and ‘preferred indifferents’ are also introduced; the Stoics were active in their communities and pushed for social change, but also recognised that events were not always going to align perfectly with their goals, and were thus prepared for failure.
We can apply Stoicism to our lives by a number of factors. I will outline some of them briefly now:
1. Don’t add to first impressions: this is another distancing method whereby we refuse to add our own personal baggage and stories to situations, for example a friend ‘ignoring’ you. We don’t merely accept the silence as silence itself, but construct an elaborate narrative about how we have been hurt in our deepest feelings. Instead, when it is useful to us, we should not to add a narrative to events that will make us feel wronged and hurt.
2. Rational meditation: We should try to prepare for the day ahead, spending time in the morning (before we are bombarded with social media’s notifications) identifying tasks for the day and anticipating any problems we could encounter.
3. Third person perspective: Taking inspiration from the Stoic ‘view from above’, we can transcend our partial, subjective viewpoint and obtain a view of objectivity, where we can approach a problem from both sides and seek to understand where other people truly come from in a dispute, rather than the distorted stories we tell ourselves.
Brown argues that anger is a socially disruptive force we almost immediately regret, which ‘gets in the way of us making a point’. Anger stems from a self-righteous sense of entitlement that we have been slighted in some way, and it is this entitled view of ourselves that we should reframe. To avoid anger, Brown suggests that we wait, imagine offering advice to a friend in the same predicament as us, lower your self-belief (referring to a need to stop being reflexively defensive towards criticism we can easily direct towards others, but feel never apply to us!), and recognising that we are guilty of the same faults we accuse others of. The view that proved most effective to me was an active desire to seek the offenders motivations, which means that we should consider others and their motivations in a similar way we must consider our own lives, thus being open to the ‘complex narratives that lead to the imperfect behaviours of others’. Brown also offers an effective application of careful pessimism, whereby we lower our expectations of others, meaning we are more prepared for the inevitability of failure.
III: Happy Endings:
Brown, somewhat paradoxically, one would assume, in a book about happiness, finishes the book on the topic of dying and death. After arguing (although not convincingly) for the finality of death with no afterlife, and that immortality would give life a shapelessness and formlessness since everything would be repeated an infinite number of times, Brown argues that our own mortality and the transience of existence imbues our life with beauty and meaning. Death has become feared by modern society because the shared rituals have been shunned by modern society; we buy anti-aging cream and we hand over our final moments to doctors in hospitals, thus death comes as an unwelcome visitor, rather than a worthy companion throughout our life. Ultimately, we must use our knowledge of our own mortality to pay closer attention to our lives now, and recognise that our interactions are precious, since at some point in the future, they will end.
Key Quotes
‘We can forgive ourselves every time we act or think in old ways, while a happier and more tolerant connection to people is quietly and firmly attained’.
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic: ‘You need a change of soul, not a change of climate’.
Schopenhauer, Counsels and Maxims: ‘Events and our chief aims can be in most cases compared to two forces that pull in different directions, their resultant diagonal being the course of our life.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: ‘If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is within your power to wipe out that judgement now’.
Victor E. Frankl, Mans search for meaning: ‘No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same’.
Further reading?:
Irvine, William B., A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
On Desire: Why We Want What We Want.
Kahneman, Daniel., Thinking, Fast and Slow
Nussbaum, Martha C., The Therapy of Desire: Theory and Practice in Hellenistic Ethics
Schopenhauer, Arthur, The World as Will and Representation
Watts, Alan W., The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for a Age of Anxiety
This book is a humorous, thought-provoking, well-researched book that has given me key tips to reframing my experience and achieving a more serene and tranquil state of mind. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone with an interest in living and dying well.
Overview of Book:
In this book, illusionist and magician Derren Brown draws on ancient philosophy and modern psychology as an antidote to the abundance of self-help books, which all too often draw on pseudoscience and mere “positive thinking”, which is shown to be wholly ineffective in a universe governed by cold, unfeeling fate. Brown splits his book into three sections: Beginnings, Solutions and Happy Endings, which first deals with the problem with modern self-help advice, then moves to an outline of the philosophy of happiness and achieving eudaimonia, and then finally how we can use an awareness and realistic confrontation of our own mortality as a means of achieving peace and serenity through the impenetrable inner citadel of the self.
Key Points of Information:
The key point Brown seeks to make in this book is that a chief source of our own unhappiness is the ‘stories’ we tell ourselves: perhaps we tell ourselves that we will always be shy or a failure, when in reality these are just learned narratives from an arbitrary number of events from our childhood and formative years.
I: Beginnings:
Brown draws on his experience of exposing fraudulent faith healers to show why merely willing positive things in your life will almost certainly prove counter-productive; in telling people that they merely need to pray or wish for positive things, when these things do not occur, the blame is lumped solely on the subject for not wishing hard enough, or for having a lack of faith. Moreover, the modern fetishization of goal-setting is shown to be a fundamental means of disappointment, since investing too much in goals will leave them with nothing if these goals are cruelly squashed by arbitrary factors which the subject had no control in. In response to this, Brown offers the philosophy of Schopenhauer, who argues that in life we must navigate the diagonal line between ‘events’ and ‘our chief aims’.
Another source of our disappointment is wanting things. In an intriguing thought experiment, William B. Irvine argues that if all the humans on the earth disappeared leaving just ourselves, and we were free to indulge in all the luxuries of life, we would quickly realise that these do not suit our fundamental needs. The expensive yet impractical jumper would give way to the more long-lasting and resilient fleece. This thought experiment helps to persuade us of the role social perception (especially from those in similar economic circumstances to us) plays in our desiring things – something that is only amplified by social media. We desire, to borrow from the three-fold Epicurean division, non-natural and non-necessary things, which Brown refers to as ‘distractions’, such as travel.
II: Solutions:
After a slightly depressing opening, Brown now starts offering some concrete solutions to our unhappiness, rooted in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, but not exclusively tied to it. ‘The Considered Life’, according to Brown, gives full authority back to our own self, allowing us to determine our own stories without them being distorted by others. Brown charts a history of happiness, from Socrates to Christianity, the Enlightenment to Romanticism. He argues that today’s philosophy of happiness gives us a sense of entitlement towards happiness, where ‘unhappiness is seen as a sign of failure, not a healthy symptom of our natural condition’.
Brown roots his philosophy in Stoic thinkers, an ancient Greek philosophy open to both sexes and all strata of society, most likely as a response to Aristotle’s selective following in his Lyceum. The first of two Stoic ‘building blocks’ he identifies are: reframing our judgements of external events by taking responsibility for our emotions, because of how we judge events. As Brown clarifies, this is not a shift of blame to oneself, but an acknowledgement that events do not affect our core self, unless we assent to them doing so. The second Stoic value is identified as: don’t try to change things you cannot control. We can control our thoughts and actions, but we cannot control the vast majority of things in the world, including perceptions of us by others. To clarify this point further, Brown draws on Irvine again, who offers the metaphor of tennis: we should not strive to win at all costs, since we have no control over who our opponent is going to be or a wealth of other factors. Our aim should instead by to ‘play this game as well as I can’. The notion of ‘indifferents’ and ‘preferred indifferents’ are also introduced; the Stoics were active in their communities and pushed for social change, but also recognised that events were not always going to align perfectly with their goals, and were thus prepared for failure.
We can apply Stoicism to our lives by a number of factors. I will outline some of them briefly now:
1. Don’t add to first impressions: this is another distancing method whereby we refuse to add our own personal baggage and stories to situations, for example a friend ‘ignoring’ you. We don’t merely accept the silence as silence itself, but construct an elaborate narrative about how we have been hurt in our deepest feelings. Instead, when it is useful to us, we should not to add a narrative to events that will make us feel wronged and hurt.
2. Rational meditation: We should try to prepare for the day ahead, spending time in the morning (before we are bombarded with social media’s notifications) identifying tasks for the day and anticipating any problems we could encounter.
3. Third person perspective: Taking inspiration from the Stoic ‘view from above’, we can transcend our partial, subjective viewpoint and obtain a view of objectivity, where we can approach a problem from both sides and seek to understand where other people truly come from in a dispute, rather than the distorted stories we tell ourselves.
Brown argues that anger is a socially disruptive force we almost immediately regret, which ‘gets in the way of us making a point’. Anger stems from a self-righteous sense of entitlement that we have been slighted in some way, and it is this entitled view of ourselves that we should reframe. To avoid anger, Brown suggests that we wait, imagine offering advice to a friend in the same predicament as us, lower your self-belief (referring to a need to stop being reflexively defensive towards criticism we can easily direct towards others, but feel never apply to us!), and recognising that we are guilty of the same faults we accuse others of. The view that proved most effective to me was an active desire to seek the offenders motivations, which means that we should consider others and their motivations in a similar way we must consider our own lives, thus being open to the ‘complex narratives that lead to the imperfect behaviours of others’. Brown also offers an effective application of careful pessimism, whereby we lower our expectations of others, meaning we are more prepared for the inevitability of failure.
III: Happy Endings:
Brown, somewhat paradoxically, one would assume, in a book about happiness, finishes the book on the topic of dying and death. After arguing (although not convincingly) for the finality of death with no afterlife, and that immortality would give life a shapelessness and formlessness since everything would be repeated an infinite number of times, Brown argues that our own mortality and the transience of existence imbues our life with beauty and meaning. Death has become feared by modern society because the shared rituals have been shunned by modern society; we buy anti-aging cream and we hand over our final moments to doctors in hospitals, thus death comes as an unwelcome visitor, rather than a worthy companion throughout our life. Ultimately, we must use our knowledge of our own mortality to pay closer attention to our lives now, and recognise that our interactions are precious, since at some point in the future, they will end.
Key Quotes
‘We can forgive ourselves every time we act or think in old ways, while a happier and more tolerant connection to people is quietly and firmly attained’.
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic: ‘You need a change of soul, not a change of climate’.
Schopenhauer, Counsels and Maxims: ‘Events and our chief aims can be in most cases compared to two forces that pull in different directions, their resultant diagonal being the course of our life.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: ‘If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is within your power to wipe out that judgement now’.
Victor E. Frankl, Mans search for meaning: ‘No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same’.
Further reading?:
Irvine, William B., A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
On Desire: Why We Want What We Want.
Kahneman, Daniel., Thinking, Fast and Slow
Nussbaum, Martha C., The Therapy of Desire: Theory and Practice in Hellenistic Ethics
Schopenhauer, Arthur, The World as Will and Representation
Watts, Alan W., The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for a Age of Anxiety
March 18, 2018
Oh dear. I really like Derren Brown, as a brilliant performer, a superb mentalist, a level-headed, articulate debunker of mumbo-jumbo and fraudsters, an all-round good egg, and up until now, as a writer too.
But this book really does him no justice. The idea is great, the philosophical background is carefully researched and thoroughly presented, and the message is powerful and worth hearing.
But the writing style is rambling, repetitive, and, in many places frankly tedious for the medium of the written word. I’m sure, if I’d decided to listen instead to the man himself present the text of the book as a series of talks, I would find it enjoyable and captivating. I’m sure I’d learn a tremendous amount, and enjoy the series.
But that’s the key. I’m not listening to him give a series of talks. I’ve not made the time to sit in his audience with no other distractions, when he would have the opportunity to engage me with his presentation and interest me with his anecdotes. I’m reading his book. It’s competing for my attention with all the other things that interrupt the time I manage to carve out to read, and with all the other books on my to-read pile. I want to make time to do this book justice, but the way it has been written does not make that easy.
As much as I like Derren Brown and want to hear what he has to say, and learn from his studies, his brilliant mind, and his life experience, I don’t have hours and hours of spare time to hear him expound his knowledge. At, let’s say, one hour per chapter, this book would work out at 17 hours of lectures. And the thing is, his key points, many anecdotes and quite a lot else could be covered comprehensively and completely in far fewer words and far less time.
I persevered, in case I missed something important he had to say, but it was hard going. It was often hard to disentangle a key point from a deep philosophical diversion, from a supporting anecdote, sometimes all occurring in the same meandering paragraph.
For example, I personally wasn’t as interested in the details of the philosophical background as I was in the approximate timeline, the general principles, and, most importantly for me, how these principles shape my life and the lives of other people. I know other reviewers have said they really enjoyed the in-depth treatment of the philosophical background. That’s fine, but if this aspect (and all other aspects, come to that) had been treated in a more structured and less rambling, repetitive way, it would have been easy for me to speed-read the deeper philosophical sections and concentrate on the parts I enjoyed and got the most out of.
Derren, I admire you greatly, but in this case, I think you need to decide what your key messages are, then decide how to present them clearly, concisely and accessibly. And then, I’d like to suggest that perhaps you could use the services of a good editor to help you remove most of the rest of the words.
When I started reading this book, I immediately thought of a couple of people who may benefit from it. But Derren would have lost them somewhere in or soon after the first chapter. And that’s a shame, because this need not have been the case, and they may well have found the ideas in this book really helpful.
Maybe in its present format, this book would work better as an audio book, read by Derren himself?
But this book really does him no justice. The idea is great, the philosophical background is carefully researched and thoroughly presented, and the message is powerful and worth hearing.
But the writing style is rambling, repetitive, and, in many places frankly tedious for the medium of the written word. I’m sure, if I’d decided to listen instead to the man himself present the text of the book as a series of talks, I would find it enjoyable and captivating. I’m sure I’d learn a tremendous amount, and enjoy the series.
But that’s the key. I’m not listening to him give a series of talks. I’ve not made the time to sit in his audience with no other distractions, when he would have the opportunity to engage me with his presentation and interest me with his anecdotes. I’m reading his book. It’s competing for my attention with all the other things that interrupt the time I manage to carve out to read, and with all the other books on my to-read pile. I want to make time to do this book justice, but the way it has been written does not make that easy.
As much as I like Derren Brown and want to hear what he has to say, and learn from his studies, his brilliant mind, and his life experience, I don’t have hours and hours of spare time to hear him expound his knowledge. At, let’s say, one hour per chapter, this book would work out at 17 hours of lectures. And the thing is, his key points, many anecdotes and quite a lot else could be covered comprehensively and completely in far fewer words and far less time.
I persevered, in case I missed something important he had to say, but it was hard going. It was often hard to disentangle a key point from a deep philosophical diversion, from a supporting anecdote, sometimes all occurring in the same meandering paragraph.
For example, I personally wasn’t as interested in the details of the philosophical background as I was in the approximate timeline, the general principles, and, most importantly for me, how these principles shape my life and the lives of other people. I know other reviewers have said they really enjoyed the in-depth treatment of the philosophical background. That’s fine, but if this aspect (and all other aspects, come to that) had been treated in a more structured and less rambling, repetitive way, it would have been easy for me to speed-read the deeper philosophical sections and concentrate on the parts I enjoyed and got the most out of.
Derren, I admire you greatly, but in this case, I think you need to decide what your key messages are, then decide how to present them clearly, concisely and accessibly. And then, I’d like to suggest that perhaps you could use the services of a good editor to help you remove most of the rest of the words.
When I started reading this book, I immediately thought of a couple of people who may benefit from it. But Derren would have lost them somewhere in or soon after the first chapter. And that’s a shame, because this need not have been the case, and they may well have found the ideas in this book really helpful.
Maybe in its present format, this book would work better as an audio book, read by Derren himself?
August 24, 2022
Took me forever to read this book and I am very happy I am finally done. The topic is very interesting and as I hoped this is less a self help book but more a way to look at happiness, how it was seen but philosopher's and it's psychology. It has a nice approach of seeing the attitude of today's world that we are entitled to happiness and should always convince ourselves that we will have it if we work for it can be damaging. But the writing was a bit tiring and it is way too long because it is so repetitive. My favorite part was the one at the end on death but it wasn't enough to make me like the book.
November 3, 2016
This book is quite magnificent. If I was a much richer person I would buy it for everyone. Derren Brown has a great way with words and an understanding of psychology that up until now has fortunately only been used for good and never anything truly Evil. (Except for maybe The Experiments; still recovering from the game show).
This book is in a few sections including: a history of happiness, and the pursuit thereof, from the perspective of various philosophies, most notably The Stoic's, then a two part application of this information for modern day. It dissects self help books, the dangers of 'positive thinking', why Death is fundamentally a positive thing and a hefty section on how to deal with Anger and Hurt as well as a chapter on Fame I thought I was going to find useless but was one of the most effective.
I have found myself motivated to clear out my own cobwebs and for the first time in a long time I feel, though cripplingly depressed most of the time, happier and more optimistic about things in general.
Derren writes in a very funny way and with a deft ability to speak from a perspective of someone who cares. I hope this book becomes a sell out christmas gift, if nothing else because it will teach you to appreciate what you have without making you feel too guilty for buying a new iPhone when you want one at the same time.
This book is in a few sections including: a history of happiness, and the pursuit thereof, from the perspective of various philosophies, most notably The Stoic's, then a two part application of this information for modern day. It dissects self help books, the dangers of 'positive thinking', why Death is fundamentally a positive thing and a hefty section on how to deal with Anger and Hurt as well as a chapter on Fame I thought I was going to find useless but was one of the most effective.
I have found myself motivated to clear out my own cobwebs and for the first time in a long time I feel, though cripplingly depressed most of the time, happier and more optimistic about things in general.
Derren writes in a very funny way and with a deft ability to speak from a perspective of someone who cares. I hope this book becomes a sell out christmas gift, if nothing else because it will teach you to appreciate what you have without making you feel too guilty for buying a new iPhone when you want one at the same time.
March 25, 2018
The first 200 pages or so of this book are fascinating. It is so interesting to question where this obsession with being happy comes from and why it is such a novel part of our society. It is a useful thought experiment to think about how people lived when they were less focussed on being happy and their aim in life was something completely different. It got me thinking about how my own life would be if I wasn’t so driven to have it eternally smelling of roses. Would I be more accepting and tolerant? Probably. Would my resultant lowering of expectations mean I would be more grateful for what I now perceive as meagre crumbs. Definitely. I think after this point the book resonated with me less and so I found it a struggle to trudge through; I underlined inspirational quotes less and it took me a lot longer to read. The Fame chapter felt a touch self-indulgent and a cautionary tale that to me seemed an obvious one as I’m not a disillusioned youth; famous people are to me just people, although I’ve thought that always. Towards the end it picked up again as it discussed the usefulness of being faced with our own mortality. Overall I got a lot out of this book and a new way of perceiving things and so for that reason I would recommend it.
October 12, 2017
Not my usual sort of read, but I heard the author talking about it on a radio programme recently which piqued my interest.
The book is intended as an antidote to the fraudulent claims of religions and - the secular equivalent - self-help "gurus" and their "positive thinking". These only help foster an unrealistic, solipsistic viewpoint which leads to an endless cycle of disappointment, guilt and self-recrimination when things don't turn out as promised - which is invariably always. Derren contrasts this to the more down to earth views of ancient Greek philosophers, the Epicureans and Stoics who realised that most things are beyond our control and trying to change them only leads to further anxiety.
I greatly enjoyed the first two sections which contrasted the opposing viewpoints and learning about the Epicureans and Stoics, as well as later philosophers who followed their line of thought such as Arthur Schopenhauer. However, I did find the later sections (particularly the one on Anger) did tend to over elaborate. All in all though, I did enjoy Derren's easy writing style and wry, often self-deprecating humour which made me "Happy" to have read the book.
The book is intended as an antidote to the fraudulent claims of religions and - the secular equivalent - self-help "gurus" and their "positive thinking". These only help foster an unrealistic, solipsistic viewpoint which leads to an endless cycle of disappointment, guilt and self-recrimination when things don't turn out as promised - which is invariably always. Derren contrasts this to the more down to earth views of ancient Greek philosophers, the Epicureans and Stoics who realised that most things are beyond our control and trying to change them only leads to further anxiety.
I greatly enjoyed the first two sections which contrasted the opposing viewpoints and learning about the Epicureans and Stoics, as well as later philosophers who followed their line of thought such as Arthur Schopenhauer. However, I did find the later sections (particularly the one on Anger) did tend to over elaborate. All in all though, I did enjoy Derren's easy writing style and wry, often self-deprecating humour which made me "Happy" to have read the book.
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