A conversation with LaMarcus Aldridge: On the scary night that ended his career, battling depression, his biggest NBA regret and more

After abruptly retiring due to a heart condition in mid-April, LaMarcus Aldridge is finding peace alongside his family. Aldridge played his entire 15-year NBA career with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, which can cause a rapid heartbeat, but when he felt his heart race in an irregular fashion during a game against the Los Angeles Lakers on April 10, Aldridge had to re-evaluate everything.

The seven-time All-Star (19.4 points, 8.2 rebounds, 1.1 blocks, two assists per game across 1029 contests) officially stepped away from the game with which he fell in love, the sport that he still loved and performed at a high level. He retired on April 15 as a member of the Brooklyn Nets, whom he joined via buyout this season, and he chose health and family over the game.

“I’ve been depressed, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate through not competing on the floor, learning not to be depressed,” Aldridge told The Athletic. “I still love basketball. I still feel like I have a lot to give. But even now, I’m still trying to find myself. When you go from doing something you love for so long and you lose it overnight, it’s a shock. Even though I knew it was the right decision, those next couple days there was a lot of back and forth with my family, my agent, with the Nets, and they definitely supported me either way. They were upfront and I thought they were great with (saying): ‘This is on you; we don’t know how you felt and how you feel, so we’re going to follow your lead.’ I thought that was awesome of them. I never felt any pressure to come back or make a decision based on the season. It was always: We fully understand what you’re going through, and so if this is what you want to do, you have our support.

“It was tough because I felt I was at a location and with a team that embraced me. I embraced them. We all had a common goal and we had chips on our shoulder to prove something. It was bitter for me. I had finally found the cohesiveness that I had wanted for a while in a group. And then all of a sudden I can’t play anymore. I felt if I stayed with the group, we definitely could get to the Finals and do something special. Those guys rooted for me just as much as I rooted for them. That’s what makes the game fun; when you have a bunch of guys with no egos and everyone’s cheering for each other to do well.

Aldridge is feeling good and has resumed regular testing on his heart condition, including wearing a Holter monitor for further examination. He intended to rejoin the Nets for the playoffs and spend time around his former teammates and coaches, but the league’s coronavirus protocols made it tricky for his return on a consistent basis. Aldridge, 35, said he will consider a coaching role after the season. For now, he is finding his footing in life during the early days of his retirement.

In his first wide-ranging interview since ending his basketball career, Aldridge discussed with The Athletic his decision to retire; the most frightening night of his life; his stints in Portland, San Antonio and Brooklyn; the only regret of his career, with Damian Lillard; Brandon Roy and Greg Oden; and much more.

Ultimately, what went into your decision to retire after the career you had and the way you were still playing?

It was very tough. I definitely wasn’t ready to hang it up and I still felt like I had more to give to a team and I feel I had a lot to give to the Nets. I feel like they needed what I brought to the table, so it was really tough to walk away. They needed an inside scorer and a rim protector, and that’s what I do, especially at this phase of my career. I’ve dealt with WPW, a heart condition, my whole career. I found out about it in 2006, my first year, so I’ve had some reoccurrences over the years and we’ve done studies. The doctors would do research to make sure nothing has changed. I had a weird game against the Lakers, my heart was just beating weird and out of rhythm. I had irregular rhythm the whole game, and I hadn’t experienced that before. Normally when I get on the court, my case study is that I would go into regular rhythm as I got my heart rate up. It had never been out of rhythm in a game and then it was out of rhythm for the Lakers game and I was just off and couldn’t get no energy. I just couldn’t get myself going. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. And later that night, I honestly had a scary night. My heart was beating different or as weird as it has ever been before. I never experienced how slow, fast … it was just crazy how it was going that night. I wanted to wait until the morning to get to the doctors to see what was going on.

Basically, that night being so freaked out — and knowing I have kids, my mom, a lot of people depending on me and a lot of people that I want to see going forward — I just felt like I was blessed by God to play 15 years with this condition, and I didn’t want to push it anymore.

When did you first feel the irregular rhythm on April 10?

I felt it first the morning of the game, but we had done the case study and it said that I should be OK, because once I get on the court, once I start running, once I get my heart rate up, it would go back into regular rhythm. It never would kick back in. During the game, no one knew because I was just thinking: Hey, if I just keep playing, it’s going to turn, it’s going to turn, it’s going to turn. Even one of the assistant coaches, Ime (Udoka), who I’m really close with … I was thinking that if I could just ram into him, shoulder-to-shoulder, I was trying to get excited and get myself going. My case study said as I get my heart rate up, it would come back to normal. So I was just running into him, ramming into him trying to change rhythms. After the game when we talked, he realized why I kept doing that because I had never done it before. I was trying anything to just get my rhythm to come back to normal and it just wouldn’t and it didn’t. It was a long game of just not feeling like yourself. Can’t get your body going, your heart is beating weird, and that’s on your mind and you can’t get your energy up.

How did your night proceed?

It was still off after the game, but at like two, three in the morning, it got really, really crazy. My heart was beating really crazy, and that’s when it got really bad for me. From two to five in the morning, I was just trying to evoke some breathing and then around 5:30 or so, I texted the team doctor and I went to the hospital. It was probably the scariest night ever.

That’s what’s tough about my condition — it can be really, really bad, and then it can be normal again. I made it through the night, and by the time I got to the hospital, they ran EKGs and everything to see my heart rhythm and by then I had gotten back to my regular rhythm. That’s what made me even more worried about my condition. I felt terrible all night and then all of a sudden I get to the doctor … it’s like taking your car, which is making a noise, to the dealership and then the noise isn’t there anymore. I said: You know what, if I could feel that bad last night and then come here and they can’t see traces of it, then that worries me even more because they can’t see what the issue is. The only real way to see what the issue is, you put (on) a Holter monitor for two, three or four days, and you pinpoint when you’re out of rhythm.

If you see it, then OK, you can figure out how to get it to calm down and it makes sense. But when you get there and they can’t find anything and what you experienced, that’s what’s tricky. I can be in rhythm one second and out of rhythm the next second. No one can pinpoint when it can happen. It’s very unpredictable, and I didn’t want to keep playing and feeling the way I felt that night anymore and risk … no one knows for 100 percent if you can have something bad happen. My first time in 2006, I blacked out on the bench. That’s when we first found out that I had this condition. So what if I’m on the court and a big guy is coming down the lane, my heart is beating funny, and then I black out? He runs into me, and I can hurt my head on the floor. I can be paralyzed. What if I’m going for a dunk and I black out? There’s so many things that can happen in a bad way.

How emotional was informing the team of your decision to retire?

It was tough, man. I talked to Kevin (Durant) right away, I wanted to give him the respect because when I hit the waiver market when I got my buyout, he was the first guy to hit me. So I felt like I wanted to hit him first, because he was owed that. And I think he was more in shock in the beginning because he didn’t really believe or understand what I was saying. And then we talked again. I felt like those guys were really excited to have me. So I didn’t get emotional on the phone, but afterwards I was a little emotional. Every time you say, ‘Hey, I’m retired’ to someone, when it just happened, I would definitely get emotional. I’m still trying to figure out ways to be happy now. I definitely was depressed and was trying to figure out how to bounce back from it, because it was so dramatic that I didn’t know how to re-find myself. I talked to James (Harden) also; he just wanted to know what happened. I was like, ‘You remember I kept saying I can’t get my body going?’ He’s like: ‘Yeah, I thought you meant rhythm, like shooting?’ I said: ‘Nah, like my heart.’ He said: ‘Man, I didn’t know that.’

They all seen signs that something was off. But they didn’t know what it was. So after I explained to them why I was saying that, it made sense for them. It was them trying to understand what happened from me being on the floor to leaving and retired.

Going back to your decision to join Brooklyn, how did you settle on that? For a lot of people on the outside, it didn’t even look like an option.

I didn’t choose Brooklyn because I was trying to get there and make a super team. I chose them because if you look at what they need, what they needed and what they were trying to do, I fit exactly what they wanted. The only thing they wanted to get better was having a big that could score, and that’s what I do. And they wanted a shooter at the end of the games, but also a big that could guard bigger players. That’s who I am. So the fit of what they wanted and needed was who I am. I picked them because what they needed and what I am. From Day 1, they were like: We want you to post up; we need you to score down there and shoot 3s and be at the rim. And so it wasn’t a hard fit for me because they were saying come be you and we need you. So I was like, why not go here? I know everyone’s gonna say it’s a super team, but I think it’s funny how I was sitting at home in San Antonio because the Spurs were younger, which I totally get. And Blake (Griffin) wasn’t playing for Detroit, because they wanted to go younger. So it was like I was washed up, he was washed up. But then when we get on the same team, the (discussion was) was they were cheating. I just feel like you had two guys that weren’t playing for their teams, and their teams wanted to move on. So then they go join this team. So a week ago, I was washed up, a week before Blake signs with them, he was washed up. And all of a sudden, now we’re cheating. It was just funny to me to watch this whole narrative play out.

I chose them because it was an opportunity for me to do what I do and not have to tweak or change anything. They wanted a guy to be able to open the floor for James and Kevin and Kyrie (Irving), and that’s who I am. I can also guard the bigger guys on the floor. When it’s fourth quarter, last five minutes, and they have a dominant big on the other side, you can have me in the game and still keep scoring and not have to sacrifice scoring to be able to guard a bigger big.

Is that the hardest part, not being able to be part of this postseason run to compete for a championship?

That was the hardest part. Being in a position to get to the Finals and have an opportunity to be on that stage and be a part of history and make my mark. I had never been to the Finals. I’ve been to the West Conference finals, but not the actual NBA Finals. So it was a chance for me to make that next step, a chance for me to add to my legacy and see what it feels like. I’ve always prided myself on embracing moments and trying to grow and learn from every moment. I wanted to get there and see what it’s like, help those guys win and be a part of the journey. And then if we got there, hopefully we would go back two or three more times. So that was definitely the hardest part for me.

You played your first nine seasons in Portland, you made four All-Star teams and were part of several playoff contenders. How do you look back on your stint there, and do you have any regrets as far as your exit?

They say hindsight is 20/20. As you get older you get more wiser and you see things more clear. I think as you get older, you have less of an ego, you’re less sensitive. Maybe all those things are true. The only thing I look back on is I wish I would have worked at it better to have a relationship with Dame (Lillard). I feel like we both had our circles talking to us. Maybe that helped stifle our relationship, but we definitely have gotten a better relationship since then. But I think just trying to get a better relationship with him. It’s just tough because people see the career I had, but people don’t realize how I got there.

I was picked No. 2, but (team people) said I was an actual project. So they didn’t pick No. 2 and say, ‘Hey, he’s our guy, we’re going to play behind him.’ I was No. 2, and I didn’t even play much my first year. I missed camp. They jumped behind Brandon Roy. I was the No. 2 pick, which I thought, hey, I’m No. 2, they’re all in. But they weren’t really all in. I was on the back burner. And then we got Greg (Oden). So then when Greg was playing well, I was on the back burner again. And they tried to trade me. So I wasn’t the guy that they believed in right away. That’s why at times things were a little iffy there, because every time we were healthy with Andre Miller and Brandon Roy and Greg Oden, it was like … OK, I was more of the guy that they would put on the back burner or try to trade. And then all those guys got hurt, and I was thrown to the front out of a necessity. That’s when I finally got my opportunity to be who I became. It’s just funny to me how when you’re a No. 2 pick, most of those guys come in … Hey, you’re a part of this and have opportunities. With me, it was like … I was a project and I was like, well, who picks No. 2 as a project? I understand they have Zach Randolph.

So my start wasn’t ideal. I was always the easy one to try to get rid of. Unfortunately, those guys got hurt, and I became the man. And it was like: Oh, man, he’s good. I feel like if they would have gave me the opportunity earlier, we could have been even better earlier. My role wasn’t as easy as everyone might think it was. I had to really go earn this thing of having your own team. I had to go fight for that for a bunch of years. When I got it, it was a proud moment for me.

I just feel like I wish Dame and I would’ve talked more and tried to develop a better relationship. Part of it was he was young, trying to find his way, and I had worked so hard to get to this spot I was at. I wish I would have worked harder … the only regret I have is I wish I would have worked harder to have a relationship with Dame.

As you mentioned, you, Brandon Roy and Greg Oden played on the floor together for parts of two seasons, but health cut short the staying power of you three. How often do you look back on that ‘big three’?

I look back all the time with B. Roy and what if Greg and B. Roy stayed healthy. We definitely could have gotten to the Finals. I feel like if those guys stayed healthy, we probably would all still be there right now. I just feel like that group had so much potential there. I definitely think like, man … with Greg, Brandon and myself, we were 50-12. So I definitely think about that group and what could have been.

And with Dame too, I feel he’s definitely grown a lot. He’s definitely one of the most clutch, elite players in the game right now. So I definitely have wondered if I would have stayed and kept doing what I was doing. And him growing who he is now. That’s a good one-two punch. And CJ (McCollum), who’s been killing it too. So you put us all three together, and the sky could definitely be the limit.

I’m more of a realist too, though and I feel like me leaving was great for Dame because then he wasn’t having to share it with me anymore, a dominant personality. It was his. Then he really exploded and took off and really started to put his stamp on the franchise and his stamp on the game. So things happen for a reason. And him and CJ, playing off each other, take turns it. It took out the guy down low. If we would have stayed together, some special things could have happened, though, for sure.

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Then you go to the Spurs, have back-to-back 60-plus win seasons and reach the Western Conference finals in 2017. How do you reflect upon your five and a half seasons in San Antonio? (The Spurs were up as much as 25 points against the Warriors in Game 1 of the West finals before losing Kawhi Leonard to an ankle injury. Golden State went on to win the series.)

I had fun. You join a family when you go to the Spurs. When they bring you in there, they bring you into the family.

They take good care of you, and once you’re in, you’re in. I had fun playing with Hall of Famers. Tim (Duncan), Manu (Ginobili), Tony (Parker). Those guys make the game easier for you and being a part of their story is cool for me because we had those back-to-back 60-win seasons. It was fun for me being from Dallas. I always thought of playing for the Mavericks or the Spurs so to actually get to the Spurs and be a part of that dynasty of those three guys, I definitely enjoyed my time. We were right there if Kawhi doesn’t go down. You don’t know what can happen. That series still wakes me up at night sometimes. We’re up (25) points in the first quarter and the first half we’re up and in control, then Kawhi goes down. They double me and it’s easier to take me out of the block when I’m by myself. We end up losing that day, but if Kawhi stayed healthy and we finished that game off, anything was possible that year. So that year was definitely a tough year to walk away from. I never won a ring, but this was definitely my chance. It just slipped away. The run to get there was fun, you had great seasons, guys had fun.

We left it good on both sides. Pop (Gregg Popovich) and I talked a lot in the end, and he called me after I retired. And he said, ‘Are you OK? If you need anything, let me know.’ Pop and I talked the whole time through. He wanted to play Jakob Poeltl and go young, and I wasn’t ready to like take a big drop in minutes as far as not playing as much anymore. We both agreed it was better for him and the organization if they went with the young guys. We were on the same page with that, and we communicated and we had a bunch of great discussions about it. I feel like I had a great run there. I enjoyed my time there. We had some unbelievable seasons. Toward the end, it wasn’t ideal, but we had some great moments and great times. I feel it’s no hard feelings on either side. Every team has to pick at times to go young. That was kind of their time. And I ended up joining a team that was kind of more fitted for my stage of my career. So nothing but love and respect from me.

Dame has advocated for your No. 12 jersey to be retired by the Trail Blazers, and I’m told the organization will look into that this offseason. How would you feel about having your jersey retired in Portland?

First of all, Dame is a real one. Everyone already knew that. I knew it. But I want to go on the record and say he’s a real one for how he advocated for that right away. He didn’t have to do that, it doesn’t do any value for him to fight for that. But it just shows how real he is and how he appreciates what I’ve done there in my time.

It’d be an honor, man. I grew there. I went there a little bit with a chip on my shoulder. People said I wasn’t going to be good and that they could have drafted me at No. 13. So I walked in there with a chip on my shoulder. I had to practice against Z-Bo and Joel Przybilla. I have nothing but great memories there, great times there. That’s why I became who I am today as far as on court and off court. I became a man in that city and learned how to live on my own and develop into who I am today.

So I would love for them to retire my number. It would be a great honor for me to be up there and be part of that great history.

(Photo: Nathaniel S. Butler / NBAE via Getty Images)