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USENIX Security '18-Q: Why Do Keynote Speakers Keep Suggesting That Improving Security Is Possible?

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James Mickens, Harvard University Q: Why Do Keynote Speakers Keep Suggesting That Improving Security Is Possible? A: Because Keynote Speakers Make Bad Life Decisions and Are Poor Role Models Some people enter the technology industry to build newer, more exciting kinds of technology as quickly as possible. My keynote will savage these people and will burn important professional bridges, likely forcing me to join a monastery or another penance-focused organization. In my keynote, I will explain why the proliferation of ubiquitous technology is good in the same sense that ubiquitous Venus weather would be good, i.e., not good at all. Using case studies involving machine learning and other hastily-executed figments of Silicon Valley’s imagination, I will explain why computer security (and larger notions of ethical computing) are difficult to achieve if developers insist on literally not questioning anything that they do since even brief introspect

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Introduction

Keynote Definition

Value of Skepticism

Machine Learning

Egg Drop

Other Winners Curse

Two Mistakes

Kingsley

AI Mission Creep

AI Workflow

Conversation

Tay

AI Child

Internet People

Twitter Answers

Why Is That

Race War

Grammar Lessons

Prejudice Science

Sotae Rant

A Holistic View of Security

Cartesian Security

ARPANET

Cartesian Approach

Gadgets Are Eternal

The Liberal Arts Are Getting Upset

Theyve Made Mistakes Too

Machine Learning In The Criminal Justice System

Gender Detection And Faces

White People Have Faces

Flashlight Apps

Technological Manifest Destiny

Statistics

Internet of Things

IOT Security

TLS

Cheapness

Best Seller

Have I written a paper about IoT

Why wouldnt you do this

Avoidable Mistakes

Conclusion

Questions

Would you use machine learning

USENIX Security '18-Q: Why Do Keynote Speakers Keep Suggesting That Improving Security Is Possible?

4.4KLikes

196,876Views

2018Aug 16

James Mickens, Harvard University Q: Why Do Keynote Speakers Keep Suggesting That Improving Security Is Possible? A: Because Keynote Speakers Make Bad Life Decisions and Are Poor Role Models Some people enter the technology industry to build newer, more exciting kinds of technology as quickly as possible. My keynote will savage these people and will burn important professional bridges, likely forcing me to join a monastery or another penance-focused organization. In my keynote, I will explain why the proliferation of ubiquitous technology is good in the same sense that ubiquitous Venus weather would be good, i.e., not good at all. Using case studies involving machine learning and other hastily-executed figments of Silicon Valley’s imagination, I will explain why computer security (and larger notions of ethical computing) are difficult to achieve if developers insist on literally not questioning anything that they do since even brief introspection would reduce the frequency of git commits. At some point, my microphone will be cut off, possibly by hotel management, but possibly by myself, because microphones are technology and we need to reclaim the stark purity that emerges from amplifying our voices using rams’ horns and sheets of papyrus rolled into cone shapes. I will explain why papyrus cones are not vulnerable to buffer overflow attacks, and then I will conclude by observing that my new start-up papyr.us is looking for talented full-stack developers who are comfortable executing computational tasks on an abacus or several nearby sticks. View the full USENIX Security '18 program at https://www.usenix.org/usenixsecurity...

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USENIX

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